Danny's Diary
by NeverMindDream
Summary: Danny's inner thoughts about working with Lindsay from day one and so on...it's hard to summarize this, please just read and let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this character, although it would be quite fun if I did. I also don't own all of the story ideas, this diary started very early in the second season so there are parallels to the actual cases on the show. I take no credit for that, just for Danny's thoughts, those all came from my very own mind. Or maybe…his. lol

**AN** So I started this diary last season and have heard tell that others might want to read it so here you are folks…Danny's Diary…it's DL and I don't know how else to describe it…please let me know what you think.

Oh yes the first few chapters are quite short, they read better as separate chapters so I'll post them all at once. I do assure you that they get longer so bare with me.

And another thing, some of the dialogue and ideas came from **liquidcrystal** at talkCSI who started a diary for Lindsay there. I don't want to take credit for her dialogue, although Danny's thoughts are all mine.

I'll shut up now.

**Danny's Diary  
_© Dream 2006_**

Hey,

I can't bring myself to write 'dear diary' makes me get a 12 year old girl vibe and that's all kinds of creepy. So where do I start? That doctor that did my Psych eval after the Minhas incident told me if I write stuff down it'll help me, or something. I don't know if it works, but what the heck.

So I found out today that Aiden's leaving, which means we're getting a new girl, someone from Montana if my source is valid. If she shows up with overalls and straw between her teeth I'm gonna tell Mac to send her back, our team is eclectic enough as it is. Guess I'd better go to work and meet this 'Montana'.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey,

We got called to an interesting scene today. A tiger mauling. I have to admit I never thought I'd be dealing with that kind of scene, but then again this is New York.

The new girl was at the scene, she looks good I gotta say. No overalls or straw, in fact she could even be attractive, if she wasn't trying so hard to please Mac. I gave her a typical initiation, I thought it was funny, don't think she did though.

She gets to wade through tiger dung for evidence later, I'm glad it's not me. It'll look good on her, she's a bit too eager for this lab, but hey...maybe she'll grow on me.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey,

We worked the weirdest case this week. Our middle aged vic was linked to a ring of young girls who, well yeah, they were interesting. Montana seemed to be amused by some of them; she insisted they were hitting on me. Ugh. I refuse to think about a 15-year-old, that's just insanely wrong!

Why is she noticing when I'm being hit on anyway?


	4. Chapter 4

Hey,

That guy, Horatio, from Florida came up this week for the Henry Darius case. I will never understand some people. Like Montana for example, she about had me for lunch cause of the nickname. I guess she was on edge cause of being forced into the lab, but it's not my damn fault. It's too bad, I kinda liked the nickname.

On another note I met a chick, Cindy, the other night. She approached me on my lunch break, bit of a talker, but she's hot. Asked me out to dinner. I guess I like bold cause I'm seeing her tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey,

Found out today that Montana (I can call her that in here cause she can't stop me) is actually kinda funny. Made a quip about a video Hawkes and I were watching for a case. Called me Messer too, kinda odd, I liked it. Don't know why I liked it but I did.

Oh yeah, the date with Cindy went well, she's kinda quirky. I'm not sure how long I'll keep her around, but she's fun for now.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey,

So the oddest thing happened at work today. To start I think our vic was killed by a doll part, the cases these days just keep getting weirder. I almost missed a regular gunshot vic. Anyway, that's not the odd thing, I think I asked Montana out. It came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. She just looked so sweet staring at me. That was probably because I was holding her hand trying to explain how a cadavar can grip after death, but still...she looked very appealing. It's disconcerting, I work with her, she can't be that appealing...maybe I'll call Cindy.

Oh fine, I couldn't call Cindy, cause I knew I'd be on the phone for an hour. Went for a walk instead. Ended up outside Montana's building, don't know how that happened, maybe my feet are rebelling. Anyway, I figured out which window was her's and threw some snowballs. I swear a deranged 13-year-old kid is taking over my body. Maybe I'll call Lindsay instead.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey,

We had our review for the doll case today. Mac said a lot of important things; it's a good thing I've learned to decipher what to listen to when he's talking to me. Anyway, I accidentally kicked Montana (I was uncomfortable cause I was so damn bored), it really wasn't intentional, but then she kicked me back! So I figured I'd experiment, I left my foot there. Her reaction was priceless she got this shocked look on her face and pursed her lips. Made me wanna kiss her, which is frankly not something I should want. It satisfied my curiosity I'll tell you that much. Maybe I'll actually leave a message next time I call.

Speaking of calling I really need to block Cindy, she's relentless. Remind me never to let a woman pick me up again, this has moved from boldness to downright creepy.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey,

I've been working this case with Hawkes lately, still weird that he's in the field. Anyway, we were walking through the hall on the way to trace when bam I smacked right into her, she looked at me first then down at the file she dropped. I contemplated helping her pick them up but I was slightly distracted by the smell of her hair, then when she picked the file up I couldn't help but check out her ass. Nice. Hawkes found it amusing, but I managed to pretend I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. This is getting ridiculous...distracted by the smell of her hair? I need help.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey,

I have been working way too many hours lately. I swear I spend more time processing evidence then having a social life. I was concentrating on one particular piece when I could smell her again. When I looked up she was staring...I'm not sure why so I just said hey and went back to work. Then all of a sudden she's touching the back of my neck, or something. I turned around and really I was gonna ask what she was doing when Mac came in. Three's a crowd so I left. She has a light touch. I really need to stop thinking about this!

I like the greeting she has on her answering machine, one of these days I'll leave a message.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey 

Stella cornered me in the elevator and pretty much told me I was going over to her place for a staff dinner party. A staff dinner party? Who does that? I mean that's just forcing me into an awkward situation where my colleagues and I don't know what to say and end up talking about work. I'd rather have a root canal.

I wonder if Lindsay's going.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey,

Got there early, not sure why, I pretty much had nothing else to do really. Lindsay arrived next, she looked good, had this piece of hair just falling in her face that from this point on I will pretend I never noticed. Stella was still cooking so we were stuck in the living room alone and I couldn't think of a damn thing to say! I have never been so glad to see Mac in my life. He at least managed to create conversation. It turns out she took the subway there so I offered to drive her home before I realized I shouldn't know where she lives. (Damn 13-year-old, I suppose mentioning that I've memorized her answering machine greeting is probably a bad thing) I tried the foot thing again, didn't get the same reaction as last time. Later Flack asked me why I was playing footsie with him, ah, so that's why she didn't react. I managed to come up with some lame excuse about stretching my legs, I don't think he bought it, in fact from the look Mac gave me I'm pretty sure at least he didn't buy it. I wonder if Lindsay bought it. Wait, why the hell do I care again?

Drove her home and said nothing. It was only after I left that I realized I could have at least asked for directions to make it look like I didn't know where she lived.

The evening couldn't have been more uncomfortable, so why am I still glad I went?


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, 

Cindy called me at work again today. Thankfully it wasn't a scene this time. She rambled on about what she had for lunch, why the hell am I supposed to care? Then she asks me when I'm gonna meet her parents! At the rate she's going I'm gonna need to get an RO out against her. Why oh WHY am I so weak around hot women? I gave her some excuse about overtime. I'm swearing off women, they're too demanding.

I wonder if Lindsay has changed her answering machine greeting.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey,

Tonight's the night I tell Cindy to bugger off. I'm trying to think of a better way to say it, but nothing is coming to me. She crossed the line when she kept calling while I was in the lab today. I let it ring, but I think Mac hates my new ringtone (come on! It suits) so later when she called I told her I'd pick her up at seven. She doesn't seem to have a clue that I'm not into this.

Note to self, check for more brain cells in next date.

I wonder if Lindsay talks a lot on the phone.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey,

Had a weird case this week. Hawkes and I got a body that had an entire chapter of a book written on it! It was bizzare looking at it let me tell you. When we found the killer the guy had writing all over his damn walls, only visible under black light. I swear people get weirder and weirder.

Cindy called again while I was working! Hawkes bugged me about the ring tone although he didn't seem as annoyed as everyone else is. When I called her back she told me she just called to let me know that was the last time. Okay? Maybe I really will swear off women.

Haven't seen Lindsay in a few days. It's been boring.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey,

I had a day off today. Got a proper work out in which meant I was too awake to just go back to my apartment and do nothing. So I bought a couch. Weird. I've lived in this place for over three years and I've never bought a couch. Not that I ever needed it, no one comes over here. My old arm chair is good enough...so I don't know why I bought a couch...it was just comfortable.

I contemplated getting a Christmas tree but that is WAY too much decoration for me. The couch was my design flair for this year.

I wonder how Lindsay decorated her apartment; the tree in her window looks good. (get outta my head 13 year old) Shit, at the rate I'm going I'm gonna need meds for this. Hey there's a cartoon network, maybe I'll watch that.


	16. Chapter 16

Hey,

So today I did some paperwork. I usually try to push it off on somebody else and it would have made sense to make Montana do it, I mean I used to make Aiden do it all the time. So why did I do paperwork? I have no idea, I walked by the office and she was biting her lip as she read one of the files, very hot. So I went to the breakroom to try and distract myself, grabbed the apple I'd put in the fridge and ended up taking the coffee pot with me back to her office. I swear to you this evil 13 year old boy has just taken over my whole damn body! She looked at me like I'd grown another head. I don't blame her, she makes me act weird, I don't know if I like it. She said no, but for some reason I got distracted by the way she was tapping her pen on the desk...till Hawkes showed up looking for the coffee pot.

I need to have a whole 24 hour period where I don't think about Lindsay.

She said something about getting call display to Stella the other day...can't call her now without talking can I?


	17. Chapter 17

Hey,

Went over to the firing range today to ask Kelly about something. Before I could even say anything he motioned for me to watch the new girl. I pulled a handful of peanuts from his desk and leaned up against the wall to watch her shoot. She's got some amazing proficiency, in fact it's kind of freaky. Should she be able to shoot that well? That's kind of disconcerting. In the middle of her round she saw me and gave me a look like she was expecting me to say something. I just waited for her to continue, what was I supposed to say? She shot differently after seeing me, I wonder why that is? She asked me if I was gonna shoot, then I remembered what I had come there for, to talk to Kelly. She really needs to stop affecting me like this. For God sakes I'm writing in here like a girl! What the hell?

She didn't want the peanuts either, I wonder if she has allergies?


	18. Chapter 18

Hey,

I got home tonight and realized I didn't have a damn thing that I wanted to eat. I don't normally get groceries, seeing as I have so many take-out places on speed dial, but I needed coffee so that forced me to get food too. Anyway, I get there and who practically runs me over...Lindsay. For once I wasn't following her around, she was just there. She looked like a deer caught in headlights, do I freak her out that much? She responded to my greeting with a strangled 'hi'...I'm gonna ask her one of these days why she acts all fraidy cat around me. Right after I can call her without hanging up.

Why did she have such a large box of Rice Krispies? Does she make squares for orphan children or something? She got the family box, it confused me.

Maybe I'll call her and ask.

Yeah and maybe Astro-boy will be back on TV Saturday mornings.


	19. Chapter 19

Hey,

Funniest thing happened today; Montana locked herself out of her car. I was on my way back from a scene when I saw her looking at her car door with a perplexed look. It was cute.

I decided since the footsie thing went over so well (at least it did the first time) I'd try something else. I stood close behind her, looked at the locked door and said "that's not good."

She rolled her eyes at me (women do that a lot to me I wonder why that is) and said she could use some help. So being the noble guy I am I ran inside to get a slim jim. Hawkes saw me on my way back out and asked where I was going. "Lindsay locked herself out of her car." I said.

To which he retorted, "what, now you're going all white knight on her?"

Where did he get that idea? She needed help, I was helping, sheesh. Once I got the door open it took her a minute to try and get around me, it was like she was trying not to touch me in the process. It was cute. I had to grin, especially since it seemed like forever for her to make it around me. I wasn't helping of course, cause she's damn fun to watch when she's uncomfortable. She drove off in a bit of a hurray.

I wonder if she thinks about me when I'm not around.


	20. Chapter 20

Hey,

I think Christmas does things to people. Mac has hardly been anything but professional to me since the Minhas thing and now out of blue I'm invited to this get together at his place for Christmas.

Are we doing the rounds? Will Flack host something next month? Hmm if Lindsay did I wonder what she'd serve. Anyway, I could get over being at my boss's place for appetizers if I didn't act like such a damn moron every time Montana is within ten feet of me. I refused to be the first to arrive this time.

When I got there Mac decided that I should be the one to serve drinks. Every request was easy until Lindsay. I ask her what she wants and she says "Surprise me."

Oh that was a bad idea, my mind started racing with all the things I could think of to "surprise" her and none of them had anything to do with drinking. I must have been lost in my thoughts because she was staring so I said the first thing that came into my head. Milk. Seriously I am the biggest idiot! Milk? Who the hell suggests milk as a drink? Which is exactly the look I got from Mac before he suggested I just serve her the pinot noir that he had out.

It's too bad I act like such a teenager around her cause those thoughts I was having would have been fun. I avoided her for the rest of the night, which actually proved to be worse cause I was stuck talking to Hawkes. "Milk huh? Why don't you just wear a sign that says 'I have a crush on you?' It'd be more subtle." He said with this smug smirk on his face. Speaking of morons, what the hell does he mean crush? I don't have a crush!

I wonder what kind of drinks Lindsay does like?


	21. Chapter 21

Hey,

So it's gotta be official now. I've gone off the deep end. First it's milk now it's twizzlers, this woman is gonna drive me to the nut house I know it.

I saw her sitting there and was going to resist the urge to stare and just walk by. You know pretending to be all nonchalant like I don't care that she's sitting there with her hair hanging down into her face while she reads. Damn. Then I saw she was chewing on something, twizzlers, it couldn't be helped I had to say something. She saw me just before I spoke and almost looked apprehensive. Really, one of these days I'm just gonna ask if I scare her. Instead I said "Aren't you gonna share?"

Her eyes flew open for a sec then she managed to act composed, "Hmm?"

Oh yeah like she didn't know, "Common, the twizzlers. Hand them over."

She got this defiant look on her face that always makes me wanna kiss her, "Get your own, I'm busy."

Why does she constantly resist me, it makes me want her more. Wait want her?? Never mind, I don't want her.

Anyway I said "No, you were looking off into space with a twizzler in your mouth, now give it up."

She finally relented and handed me the bag, "Fine." I took what I wanted then looked for a place to sit, not sure why cause I had no idea what to say.

She seemed to want to know what I was doing too cause she asked, "Anything else?"

So you want to know what I thought of when I sat down? Not anything competent that a thirty something year old would say…nope that damn 13 year old has learned to speak! "What sort of cartoons did you watch as a kid?"

I really need to stop watching that network before I go to bed.

"I beg your pardon?" She tried to hide it but she is definitely trying to figure me out. Get in line lady.

So I kept going, figured I'd already dug the hole. "You know, Spider-man, Transformers, Astro-Boy..." I trailed off hoping she'd say something but she just stared at me blankly so I continued, "Actually I miss Astro-Boy, he was cool. Anyway, what did you watch?"

"I don't remember."

I didn't believe that for a second, "Yes you do, you just don't want to tell me."

She came back with a good quip, "You're wasting my time with these grade 8 questions."

That stung but I was already sunk so I kept going, "Just tell me, then I'll leave."

Finally she relented! "The Smurfs, go away." I had to smirk, that figures.

I wonder if she knows why there was ever only Smurfette. Cause one chick in a camp full of guys always confused me.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey,

Mac was weird today. He called me into his office to talk about teamwork and Lindsay fitting in. Huh? Where the hell did that come from? He also had this smirk on his face the whole time.

When I said the team was fine and that Lindsay was fitting in well I had to ask why he wanted to know. He just shrugged, "I talked to Lindsay the other day and amongst some rather strange ramblings about cartoons she seemed concerned about your actions around her."

Oh that's it I'm done for. Sometimes I wish Mac wasn't so observant. He just regarded me then smiled slightly, "She isn't the only one who's noticed."

What? I just stared at him, "Noticed what?"

He just shook his head, "Milk Danny? I thought you were smoother than that."

Okay I've just gone into a parallel universe or something, was Mac talking about what I think he was talking about? I had to get out of there so I asked if he wanted to know more, he just smirked at me and said no.

Since when has Mac thought about me as smooth? That's just nasty. Do I have a reputation of some kind? Except for that temp last year I haven't romanced anyone at the office.

Wait does that mean I'm thinkin' romance and Lindsay? No, no I'm not! I'm not, because that would be, uh, bad.

I wonder if Lindsay is thinkin' romance and me?


	23. Chapter 23

Hey,

I've worked triples that have lasted less time than this damn day. First, I've decided I hate enclosed spaces...in fact more than hating enclosed spaces I hate the ones I can't get out of! What's worse than that? Well, being trapped in said enclosed space with a decomposing body. Oh yeah don't forget that there is no air circulation and the place just keeps getting hotter. Believe me it smelled like damn roses in there.

Oh that's not it, how about FINALLY getting my ass outta the enclosed space to be met by the killer of my newest decomposing friend. The guy pulls a gun on me, grabs me and threatens to kill me until I threw some liquid (I can't remember which one, they were all out on the desk cause you know I was processing the evidence in the room while I was locked in there, gotta be productive and all.) on the bugger.

Not to mention Louie kept calling me all damn day. I could not stomach the idea of talking to him, WHILE I'm locked in a damn room. My head couldn't handle it. Went out for a beer with him later though, that was a weird end to a weird damn day.

You know what else? I'm watching too much TV. I called Stella Miss. MacGyver and remembered seeing something I was doing on the Flinstones...damn cartoon network. I think I need to take meds for this 13 year old.

Mac told me Lindsay was worried about me? Worried about me? Why?


	24. Chapter 24

Hey,

I had to write my case review today. I didn't even think to pan it off on Stella. Because one there's no way in hell I'd try to intimidate the woman...and two I was the only one held at gunpoint so it's gotta be me. (Not that it's the first time I've been held at gunpoint, but let's not go there shall we?)

You know what's funny? I tried writing my review in a room by myself but I couldn't do it. I actually found myself wandering, laptop and all, into the room Lindsay was in. I don't know why I think I just wanted the company and I sure as hell wasn't gonna ask for it.

I just walked in and sat down acting like I was suppose to be there. Anyway, so she starts singing 'The Little Drummer Boy' under her breath and damnit if that wasn't the cutest thing! I didn't even let on that I'd heard her until later when Mac and Hawkes were reading her report. Apparently subconscious suggestion works on me, at least with Montana it does, cause I started singing the damn song without even realizing it. And I know I suck at singing, so this shouldn't have happened!

I was hoping to get away with it until Mac asked, "Danny, are you singing Little Drummer Boy?"

Oh crap! I just kept typing like it was highly important that I do so and said, "No."

He could have just left it but no, the man has to embarrass me in front of Lindsay. Wait why do I care? Anyway he says, "Good, because those are the wrong words if you were." To me and says, "Lindsay this looks good," to her before just leaving the room.

I have never stared at that laptop so intently before. I waited knowing Hawkes would have some damn quip. I wasn't disappointed he told me to "Try Jingle Bells, it's easier."

I still didn't look at him and told him, "I'm busy, not now." He finally left so I could actually get back to my report. I really hadn't typed anything coherent while they were there.

I figured Lindsay would leave but she didn't. Not sure what she was doing but I was working you see so I didn't ask. It was quiet for a bit then she starts singing 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman'...is she trying to outdo the attractiveness of singing the last song? I mean, she's not half bad. I was gonna say something smooth about her singing but decided against it.

Why would I care if she thinks I'm smooth anyway?

This report is gonna take forever for me to write!


	25. Chapter 25

Hey,

So now Flack apparently has to give me his two cents on this whole Lindsay thing. There IS no Lindsay thing! Lindsay and I, we don't have a thing! No. Thing. Apparently though people don't hear me when I say that, they just get this condescending look on their faces like they know something I don't.

Take Flack for instance, he stops me at the lab today and says "So you and Monroe huh?"

I tried to look shocked, "Me and Monroe, what?"

He just shook his head and gave me that damn look, "You know Danny, this whole denial thing isn't gonna get you anywhere."

"I'm not in denial thank you," I said defiantly (and a lot like a 13 year old but we won't go there) "In fact I have no idea what you're talking about."

He just rolled his eyes, he's been talking to Hawkes and probably Mac too (damn this is starting to sound like gossiping biddies at a hair salon!).

Just then Lindsay came out before that thought process got any weirder. "Any idea if they keep a book with stats tables for t-tests etc?"

"Stats Bureau." Was Flack's answer, I was just intrigued by the fact that I could smell her damn hair again!

I covered by asking "Mac's got you doing year end, Lindsay?"

"Yeah." She replied.

"Hate statistics. Boring." I quipped, which is true. I think I remember taking that class in college…at least it's on my transcript; I didn't pay a lot of attention in that class I think the reason was Mary, something or other.

Anyway back to Lindsay, she sighed and said "Join the club."

I managed to steal Flack's usually witty comment and said "I'm not only a member, I'm also the president. By the way, your fees are due."

Flack elbowed me rather hard in the arm I'm surprised she didn't notice. I did take the hint though, "I gotta go that way anyway, I'll get you the book. See ya Flack." I also needed to get away from Flack, the man needed to not get involved in this whole matchmaker thing Hawkes and apparently Mac have going on. It's like they think I'm incompetent or something.

I got the book, even though I had to sweet talk the person who had it, not sure how that happened. Anyway I gave it to Lindsay, "Now don't do anything to it, or else they'll come after me, a'ight?"

She just shook her head and started working. Well fine then be ungrateful about it why don't you? She had pulled her hair up and secured it with a pencil, there was another girl in college who did that, I always thought it was hot for some reason. Makes me wanna pull the pencil out.

You know not that I think Lindsay's hot or anything…she just reminded me of…oh damn I'm slowly coming to the end of my denial, I can feel it.


	26. Chapter 26

Hey,

I have no idea when it was that I became the butt of the inter office jokes, but for some reason I was nominated. The other day someone taped the lyrics to "Little Drummer Boy" to my locker. My first guess, Hawkes, but Mac had this smirk on his face when we went to the scene we were working so it actually could have been him, which is a much scarier thought.

Lindsay brought Rice Krispie Squares to work today. I don't know why and I don't care, they were good. I think I had at least a half dozen by the end of the day, every time I walked by the break room it was like they called to me. I wonder if she's a good cook with everything else too?

She was talking with Stella when I walked by eating one of them. Stella couldn't resist a comment, you know because I'm the office joke at the moment. "Danny, is that your _fifth_ one?"

I just shrugged and kept chewing, "They're good."

Then she goes and says something weird, "Oh, so does this mean your lovers' quarrel is over now?"

What so now STELLA is in on this stupid thing too? Do Mac, Hawkes and Flack friggin' recruit people? I swear if Zac or Marty comes up to me next week to talk about this I think I just might flip out!

Anyway Lindsay left me hangin' to respond to Stella who continued with "Mac enjoyed the productivity he was getting from both of you from it."

Oh so our competitiveness is helping out the lab? Perfect. "Stella, you know I hate disappointing Mac…"

I was at a loss for what to say after that. So of course Stella takes this as a cue to leave, "Well, I'll leave you two alone now." Subtle Bonesara, real subtle.

I should have left too but I didn't. Sometimes my brain doesn't consult me before doing things. "They've turned you into a desk jockey for the holidays?" I asked, she did seem to be sitting in front of a desk a lot these days. Which is a pity, I like it when she's in the field…you know cause she's a good worker and all.

"It appears so. I suppose someone has to do this." Wow she was being polite, score one for Montana.

I picked up the MapInfo book and flipped through it "I can't believe _yuppie_ is an actual demographic classification."

"It's short for Young Urban Professional." She replied. Yeah I knew that. I thought, but I let it slide and kept reading.

Oh the next one was priceless, "Moos and Modems. Man, you must have had lots of these in Montana…'Farmland taken over by development, apartments, and mobile homes springing up where cows used to roam – this cluster is a mix of old and new. Young family householders with college educations work in the office and factories of nearby metro areas. Some neighbors, however, still tend their herds and crops, driving the farm employment index over 200. Average family incomes are $61,500, and ethnicity is 91 white, non-Hispanic. Of course, your truly modern dairy has a computer in the barn, too.'"

I couldn't help but smirk, this stuff was priceless. Plus it's fun baiting her. Instead of her usual retort she just nodded, "Yeah the local sheriff was more 'moo' than 'modem'."

I had to grin; she really is cute, in this sexy kinda way. In fact I was thinking about that as I looked at her. Then of course I realized that was not good so I turned to leave and tried to stay casual by saying "See you" over my shoulder.

Smooth Messer.

I wonder what she's doing for Christmas. I'm spending the whole time avoiding family, might stay at the lab and get some work done.


	27. Chapter 27

Hey

So Lindsay had a brilliant idea today. Well okay it was a brilliant idea for someone who could contribute which I CAN'T...but I'm getting ahead of myself. I walked into the lab late today and was informed by Marty that Lindsay had suggested a potluck as a solution to the problem of no food provided for those of us who are working on Christmas day. I just gaped at her...what have I ever done to her? I mean, lately, I mean, well...back on topic Mac's at least chipping in for the turkey.

Anyway Marty leaned over to me and whispered, "Is she trying to make enemies?"

I told him "She's too good to be your friend anyway" Which got me a look that told me he was most likely jumping on the same bandwagon as everyone else. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

I noticed Lindsay chuckling to herself while Marty was complaining and went over later to ask to be let in on the joke. I was only curious because she was looking at me while she was laughing to herself.

Call me paranoid.

She told me she got a mental picture of Mac trying to rotisserie a turkey on a bunsen burner. Ugh, if he did that I certainly wouldn't eat it...and I said as much. Then I asked her what she was bringing and she went weird on me. She looked down like I had asked her the most intimate question I could imagine and said she wasn't sure yet. I certainly don't believe that! She probably suggested the damn potluck cause she already had a dish in mind.

Why didn't she want to tell me? And why do I care?

More importantly what the hell am I going to bring?


	28. Chapter 28

Hey,

I am probably the only person in New York who doesn't mind the transit strike. Okay don't get me wrong traffic this morning was more insane than usual and I think I've gone deaf with all the honking, but there have been benefits. For me at least.

Lindsay arrived late and after I inquired as to why she tells me she took a cab to work. I really don't know why she didn't call me for a ride, it's not like she's far from where I live. I was surprised that she readily accepted a ride home from me, I figured she'd at least give me a speech about being able to take care of herself. Interesting.

We're getting a lot of road rage cases now. I'm trying not to be cynical about the reaction to this strike, but it's kind of hard not to when people beat the crap out of someone for cutting them off.

But I don't want to talk about work. The ride home was rather uneventful, except that my car smells like her again. I shouldn't like that so much. Oh and as I was driving away I realized she'd left her phone in my car. So I had this inner debate, I was going to see her tomorrow so I could have just given it to her then. But I have also been trying to have a reason to call her and not hang up. This was perfect.

So instead of calling her from home I turned the car around (which was not easy let me tell you I think an old lady flipped me off) and headed back to her apartment. I called her from my cell and decided to play it coy, cause it usually throws her off. "Lose something." I said when she answered.

Why does she always quietly gasp like that around me? "Oh you found it, thanks. I was going to ask you about that tomorrow."

I smiled to myself as I stood outside her door, "If you open your apartment door I can give it to you now."

If I know women at all I was pretty sure she was panicking...spur of the moment male guests are not usually welcome. At least this is what I've been told. "Uh, COMING!" I had to hold my phone away, but I had to smile, I was right, she was panicking.

"Thank-you for yelling that in my ear," I said into the phone before she opened the door when I decided to get all witty, just for the fun of it, "NYPD, we found your missing cell phone."

Good thing I got that out before I noticed what she was wearing. Hello there Montana, you dress down well. I wonder if she sleeps in less then that. Oh damn, I don't need that mental picture...wait maybe I do.

I had to force myself to focus on her face, she gave me a look that was trying to be annoyed, "Cute," She said. What I'm cute or the line was cute?

I managed to think of a full sentence and execute it without stuttering, "It looks like you were in bed, so I'll get going...Oh, and you might want to have a little more on when I pick you up in the morning." Not that I would mind if she didn't, in fact that'd be a great way to start the morning.

Now that I'm home I don't know how much sleep I'm gonna get. Thanks for that Montana.


	29. Chapter 29

Hey,

Picked Lindsay up this morning. Unfortunately, no wait fortunately, she was dressed, but she hadn't finished eating so I kind of wandered around her apartment for a bit while I waited. There was a framed picture of her and her dad, family girl I guess, and this cool scenic shot that almost made me wanna visit Montana, almost. I noticed the tree when I first came in but waited till we were almost leaving to comment about it. I didn't say what I was thinking, which was, it looked different inside than from the street. That would more than likely freak her out. Hell it freaks me out. Damn 13 year old.

I was stuck at a scene until well after my shift today. It got to the point where I had to get Mac to tell Stella that she'd have to take Lindsay home. That sucked, I liked the idea of driving her back, maybe she'd invite me in. You know for...anyway. The scene was just filled with evidence so I almost fully worked a double. Mac told me to take the next day off. It was so late when I got home I haven't called Lindsay cause I don't want to wake her. I hope she has a ride, maybe she can get one from Stella.

I take it back, I don't like this transit strike too much. Although with a full day off, maybe I will get a tree. Wait why do I want to decorate? I hate decorating. She really needs to stop infiltrating my every thought.


	30. Chapter 30

Hey,

So last night I finished writing in here and decided to call Lindsay anyway...mainly because I checked my messages and she had left one. When she answered the hello was groggy and quite muffled. Whoops, if I got more messages on my home phone I'd remember to check them. And if I wasn't an idiot that didn't check what time I'd gotten home I wouldn't wake people up. Oh well, she wanted to know so I called to tell her. No harm right? Actually she was really cute, she actually fell back asleep while she was talking to me then out of no where asked how I'd gotten into her building when I returned her phone the other night. I had asked her if she was gonna get a ride with Stella before she nodded off and asked me the question about getting into her building...then she all of a sudden says "Uh yeah, I'll call Stella in the morning." I had to fight the urge to burst out laughing. I told her to get some sleep before hanging up. I'm so close to calling her randomly at night just to hear what she'll say.

That's got to be highly entertaining for someone sleeping with her.

I didn't write that...I'll deny ever writing that.

Slept most of my day off away. Went for a work out and walked by a Christmas tree lot...too much work decorating it myself. Maybe I'll visit Lindsay's again to see a real one before she has to take it down.


	31. Chapter 31

Hey,

The transit strike is over, Marty informed me then asked if I was upset because I couldn't drive Lindsay home anymore. What the hell is up with the people at the lab? Do they have no lives? I asked him to stop fantasizing about me and other women...it's creepy. He punched me. Ass.

Deb in DNA asked me why I would want to work on Christmas, she figured I'd be depressed about it. It didn't cross my mind to be honest, what the hell else am I gonna do? Sit at home and think about the Christmases in the past? I don't think so. Like the time my father had to leave Christmas dinner early for an 'appointment'. I'm pretty sure we saw the results of that on the evening news that night. Or then there was the time Louie had to get his stomach pumped because he OD'd on a bottle of Nanna's pills. I'd rather be at the lab thank you, even if I have to bring something to a potluck. Good 'ol Montana bringing her roots into the heart of New York. A potluck. Who does that?

I think I'll bring a tourtiere, I found a great filling recipie online the other day. Not that I'd ever admit to googling recipes in my spare time. Marty or Flack might buy me oven mitts and an apron if they ever found out.

I wonder if Lindsay will like it.


	32. Chapter 32

Hey,

Well Christmas has come and gone. I actually managed to enjoy it this year. Most of the time I focus intently on work and try not to think about it, but I have to admit the potluck was a good idea. I was really worried that people wouldn't like what I brought. I hate that kind of thing, at the last minute I wanted to stop at a bakery and just grab a pie, but I decided against it.

The whole lab was working an arson case tonight which stressed me out on top of worrying what people would think of the torteire. We had four suspects a deacon's daughter, her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and a disgruntled janitor. I knew it was the ex, I just knew it. Of course it was my intuition that told me which isn't evidence so nobody believed me...but I knew it.

Lindsay seemed certain it was the janitor, which seemed like a cop out to me. I don't know why I cared that she see it was the ex, but I wanted her to and with the look she gave me when I got testy about it just bothered me more.

Plus I couldn't stop wondering if she would like the torteire. Why the hell do I care about stuff like this?

When we finally got to the eating part of the evening it wasn't too bad. Lindsay brought sweet potatoes, which were fantastic.

Of course Marty dove right into teasing me about my ability to cook. Apparently everyone liked it. Which meant that he had to tease me seeing as he just bought a fruitcake. He was jealous, all the women were impressed with me, you know not that I care about that sort of thing.

I chose to ignore Marty asking me to be his maid and listened instead to Lindsay and Stella's conversation. Lindsay asked Stella what her favourite Christmas gift was, which made me want to now what Lindsay's was. So I asked once Stella had finished talking about the deck of cards.

She couldn't remember, which was kind of odd. Maybe her home life was so perfect every Christmas had a favourite for her. When she asked me I just said whatever the newest thing was under the tree. Which was true...they always tried to buy us...give us all the expensive shit so we could be distracted from what was going on around the house. I was never happier than when I got out of there.

I wonder what Lindsay's home life really was like.


	33. Chapter 33

Hey,

I hate some suspects. I really do, they drive me insane; especially dumb ass suspects who insult my partners, more importantly the dumb asses who insult Lindsay.

The janitor, who I know didn't do it, was a complete ass. I almost wish he had done it so I could put him away.

All Lindsay did was mention showing us his cleaning products and he ignores her and tells me we need a warrant, of course he has to be an ass and call her a _puta_ I swear I wanted to punch him.

Instead I said, "I did not hear that. You did not just say what I thought you said. My partner doesn't like nicknames, so if you said that, I'm gonna make your life living hell."

I have no idea why I mentioned the nicknames. "What if it was? Is that a threat?" quipped Barcello.

"No, that's a promise." Yup I went too far on that one. After we left it didn't take long for Lindsay to ask me what was going on.

I said it was nothing. I don't think she believed me. Which is good, cause I was lying. We didn't say much on the way back to the lab cause I was fuming about Barcello.

Why was I fuming about Barcello? Because he had insulted Lindsay and that pissed me off. Why did that piss me off? I'm getting a headache with all these questions. I really need to stop caring about…I'm not even going to write that.

We got called into Mac's office as soon as we got back. Yeah I saw that coming. "Danny, I just got a call about your threatening a suspect?" he inquired.

This was ridiculous what did he expect me to do the man insulted her. "What? Oh come on!" I protested.

"Just because the guy asked for a warrant, Danny?" continued Mac.

"No, he called Lindsay a..." I couldn't say it, I don't know why.

"Puta," Lindsay finished for me, which made me wince. Mac looked at Lindsay and raised an eyebrow.

"Lindsay, why don't you go and apply for that warrant. Danny have a seat," Mac stated.

"Common, Mac," I protested. I am consistently disappointing this man. He gave me the usual speech about letting my emotions get the best of me. Yadda, follow the evidence, yadda, intuition doesn't stand up in court, yadda, I can't take another call about you Danny…that sort of thing.

When I finally got to say my piece all I could think of do was say, "He insulted her Mac, I don't care if he didn't like my reaction."

"You should care Danny, because it reflects this lab."

"What if it had been Stella?" I blurted out.

He looked at me for a minute then actually seemed to understand, at least partly, "Just promise me you'll be extra careful with this guy."

I nodded just wanting to get the hell out of there, "Yeah I promise." I was glad Lindsay didn't ask about the meeting, I wasn't in the mood to keep talking about this.

We took the warrant to Barcello's although it was pretty obvious before we showed up that he would have disposed of his products. We did get some cloths with chemicals on them so I guess it wasn't a complete waste. Except that Barcello didn't do it, so that whole disappointing Mac was actually a complete waste of my time.

The chemicals got us enough to bring Barcello in, although it didn't help cause he lawyered up right away. I was close to calling Cindy so that I could have some mindless distraction, except that I knew she'd end up calling me incessantly again and I don't want to deal with that.

Ended up drinking some beer and watching TV. It really is as pathetic as it sounds.

I wonder what Lindsay does after a day like today.

I also wonder if I'm ever going to stop wondering about Lindsay.


	34. Chapter 34

Hey,

We interrogated Barcello today. Okay I was wrong he did do it, but he didn't do it alone so I was half right cause he's accomplice was the daughter's ex.

His lawyer was an ass of course which made me want to flip out. I didn't want to make a damn deal with him, I wanted Barcello to pay because I knew he'd give me a smug look of satisfaction if he got a lesser sentence. But Mac was right, I hate admitting that, we needed Barcello to get the ex so I guess it wasn't all a loss.

The nice thing was Lindsay said she would tell Barcello that we'd make the deal, that was sweet of her and totally unexpected. Why was she being nice to me? I didn't care, though cause if I had been the one to say it I probably would have added some sarcastic comment, which wouldn't have been good of course.

She made the cutest quip to me afterwards about the accomplice being the ex, "That _is_ who you thought it was in the first place. Looks like we were both right."

Is it sad that I like it when we're both right? Probably. We went to get a second warrant and were told we couldn't pick it up until the next morning.

When Lindsay said she was going to call it a day I found I didn't want to be away from her just yet so I offered to drive her home. I figured she'd go on about being able to take care of herself, but she just agreed. Why does that make me smile?

We got in front of her apartment and she looked over at me which scaringly made me want to kiss her.

I tried to think of something else and then blurted out that I'd pick her up the next morning. Which I had to follow up with the excuse that it was so we could pick up the warrant first thing. That was a crock of course but it was the first thing I could think of.

Why did she smile at me like that before she left? This woman is breaking down my resolve and it's freaking me out.


	35. Chapter 35

Hey,

I picked Lindsay up this morning, it wasn't difficult to tell that she had hardly slept a wink the night before. I instantly wanted to do something to make it better, but what could I do? You know besides what I wanted to do which was be there to make sure she'd sleep well.

Wait I want that? Damnit all to hell.

I waited about ten minutes before I buzzed up to see what was taking her so long. The way she answered her intercom was what got me worried, she's usually so prompt.

She assured me that she hadn't slept in then let me into the building. When I got to her door it was open slightly so I assumed she wanted me to walk in. I like what she's done with her apartment; it always has this welcoming feel to it. I've been at my place for almost four years and I'm sure it doesn't have this feeling.

I found her pulling her hair back, I asked if she was awake but she didn't answer me just regarded me with a look grabbed her purse and said "Ready."

Is there something wrong with me? Because the first thing I thought of was to make her go back to bed and then sit there until she fell asleep. I swear to God now it's not a 13 year-old that's my problem but some romantic shmuck is taking over my body. This woman does the weirdest things to my head.

She just stared out of the window for what seemed like forever until I couldn't take it I had to ask what was wrong. She finally admitted that she didn't sleep because of a bad dream. I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't exactly offer comfort, we aren't that close, and I certainly wasn't going to tell her that I knew exactly what she was talking about. I rarely go through a full week without a few nightmares.

We picked up the warrant without much incident. I think I knew the clerk who handed it to us; at least she smiled at me like I was supposed to know her. Whatever.

We stopped off at the lab to pick up our kits, still not saying anything. The silence was kind of an awkward comfortable, if that's even a possible feeling. There were a number of questions I wanted to ask her, but I knew that'd be reciprocated and I didn't wanna answer anything she'd ask me. Cause I knew I would.

Justin Torres, the ex, the guy I knew did it, wasn't too happy to see us when we showed up with the warrant. There's a shock. He spewed a bunch of obscenities at us, but I wasn't falling for it this time. Besides if he was gonna insult me too then I can just write him off as an ass.

Lindsay went over to talk to Stella when we got back so I headed over to Mac's office to update him on our progress. I could tell he was mildly amused that we'd had to endure more Portuguese insults. The oddest things amuse my boss.

We just started talking about Torres' motive when Lindsay joined us. She looked haggard, Mac asked her if she had anything to add but I think she was finding it difficult to keep her head up. I got up to leave cause she looked like she wanted to ask him something. I tend to make her nervous for some reason so I decided to be nice, I don't know when that happened.

I got halfway down the hall when I realized she'd probably want to be with me when we got the results from DNA. I overheard Mac say something about her taking the rest of the day off. I tried to give her a reassuring look but didn't say anything and just walked with her to DNA. Of course they were a match which seemed to relieve her.

I asked her if she wanted a ride home. She must be tired she keeps agreeing with me today, if I were a lesser man I'd try to get her to agree to something else. I'm not a lesser man am I? She seemed anxious to get out of my car when we got to her apartment.

I wonder if it would have freaked her out if she knew I wanted to follow her in and make sure she fell asleep?


	36. Chapter 36

Hey,

Lindsay didn't work yesterday; I hope she managed to get some rest. All day I wanted to call her and find out if she was okay. Stella kept asking me why I was zoning out so much. I told her the case just really was affecting me. The thing is I can't remember now what the case was about.

Today I've decided I need to prank Marty and quick. In fact I think I need to prank Marty and Flack. Do they have gossip parties with Hawkes trying to figure out how to bug me about Lindsay?

I passed by the morgue and saw Lindsay helping Marty clean a db. I was going to keep going when I saw Marty give me a look, the damn bastard then asks Lindsay what she is doing for New Years and then proceeded to ask her to go to Times Square with him.

Excuse me? At the rate he's going they'll be cleaning HIS body in that morgue soon. I mean, it's not like I have a claim on her, but she can do a hell of a lot better than Marty for godsake. He bought a Porsche just to land chicks. Lindsay's classier than that. Wait, it's not that I personally want to date her or anything she just can do better than Marty.

I was quick though I leaned on the door and said, "Mac gets the rookies to work New Years."

Marty's grin made me wanna tear it off his face, "Danny you're becoming a mook, you know that?"

I forced myself to remain casual, "One of us has to grow up, and I have a hard time seeing it be you."

Beat that Pino, you ass. I walked away before he could retort. I like leaving on a high note.

I was going to go over the final case review for the arson case when I ran across Flack in the computer lab. "Would you quit getting your lacky to do dirty work for you?" I quipped.

"My lacky?" Flack sucks ass at acting innocent I'll have you know.

"Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to drop it, there is nothing going on." I said with as much finality as I could muster.

Lindsay walked in just then and I hoped in vain that Flack would drop the conversation. "Man, you better learn how to 'walk like an Egyptian' because you are floating down de Nile."

Yes it's true he actually said that. He must be recycling a bad lines book or something. I managed to counter with "Do you know how old that joke is?"

Flack still wouldn't drop it, "About as old as the Pyramids…Look there goes the sphinx."

He didn't indicate Lindsay with his eyes and mock sitar music, the bastard. My pay back is gonna be sweet I can promise you that. Maybe I'll call Aiden on Flack or something.

Thankfully Lindsay tried to change the subject; I hope she didn't catch on that we were talking about her. She asked me if I had the crime scene photos and Flack had to push it further by putting his hand over his mouth and look at me.

Yeah like the bastard didn't know she was there. I told her I gave them to Mac and then Flack, with the subtly of a friggin' elephant said "Well you two need to finish your 'case' so Ill leave now."

Thanks asshole, I'll remember this. I forced myself to look at the computer nonchalantly and asked, "What did you need the photos for? I finished writing that part yesterday."

She started to say she didn't know that but I cut her off and asked her if she got any sleep the night before. It'd been bugging me all day. She said "Yeah some."

So I countered with "Good you can pick up at the interrogation."

You know cause it's all about work. I'm glad she said okay and got to work. I would have started suggesting how I could help her sleep better.

I never thought this much about Aiden outside of work.


	37. Chapter 37

Hey,

I worked New Years Eve too. You'd think I'd be sick of the lab with the amount of time I spend there over holidays. But really where else would I go?

Cindy actually called and left a message on my cell inviting me to a party. Did she bypass ALL of the times I told her we were done? She must have. I swear if she calls I'm gonna make up a girlfriend just to get her off my case. Besides if Lindsay has to spend her first New Years Eve in the lab, then she shouldn't be alone.

Well Mac was there, but when is he not? He actually had to go and make a comment to me about the fact that I have begged for the day off in years past. Yeah well that was then and this was now, why do people have to be so inquisitive? And why does Mac have to ask me these things with Flack AND Hawkes in the room? Is he into weird forms of torture?

Anyway feeling bold and recognizing his form of teasing I said, "Yeah, and when I got it off you called me in the next morning because someone found out Joe Hung-over was a DB and NOT passed out; EVEN despite the fact that I was hung over."

It's true and half of the time I was pretty damn sure he only called me cause he knew I was hung over. Bastard. Too bad I respect him so much.

Flack had to throw in his two cents, of course, "Bullshit."

He coughed then Hawkes smacked his back and said, "Easy on the PUNCH there, Don. So Lindsay, who are you gonna kiss at midnight?"

Do they practice these routines or something? Flack says he'll cough so Hawkes can through in a damn punch line. I am becoming way too used to being the butt of people jokes.

I just looked at Lindsay and waited for her to answer; I figured if I played it nonchalant people would stop looking at me waiting for me to respond.

"Pardon?" She said with this look of complete disbelief that she was having this conversation, "I'm not kissing anyone."

Flack cleared his throat and said, "That's bad luck."

Bastard. Why can't he learn to shut the hell up? "I don't follow stupid superstitions," Lindsay replied, that's my girl. Oh wait no not MY girl just…never mind.

"Neither do I," I had to add that so no one would say something stupid like I kiss her. Cause um, that would be bad.

"That's not what you said last year," Mac said archly.

What the hell? I mean I know the man is pissed about stuff but honestly this whole stringing me up in embarrassing situations is just damn dirty pool.

"I've learned a lot since then," I tried to retort, holding double meaning.

"Let's hope so," oh Mac caught the double meaning. Good, maybe he'll start trusting me again, that would be nice. "And for the rest of you don't think that because we're not getting any calls that doesn't mean there isn't work to be done. A new order of supplies came in yesterday, so make sure the cabinets and your kits are stocked."

Okay I am not paid to be a stock boy, it's kinda the reason I went to school, NOT to do that sort of job. Of course Lindsay, the hottest kissup I know says, "Lead me to them." Mac is gonna promote her on ass kissing alone, I can feel it.

We all rang in the New Year watching Fireworks from Mac's office. He of course had the best view. I sometimes wish I didn't revere him so much, so then I could properly hate him. But that's not possible, he so much of what I would wanna be. You know if I wasn't an ass with a sketchy past.

Anyway. I have to admit it's the calmest I've ever wrung in the New Year, but it was kinda nice. Lindsay hugged me. I shouldn't even be putting that in there cause Stella hugged me too, but Lindsay just fit. It was slightly disconcerting, I almost wish she hadn't done it cause then I wouldn't have a distinct memory of what her hair actually smells like up close.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to hug her again. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution.


	38. Chapter 38

Hey,

The lab has been quiet lately, which sort of unnerves me. I hate to be pessimistic but that usually means that there's a multiple about to happen somewhere in the city that we're going to have to investigate.

It's depressing but unfortunately it's true. New York is the best city and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, it is home after all but it can't be helped that with the good comes some insanely bad. I should know, I'm related to a portion of it.

I didn't really have any intention of talking to Lindsay today, she's been working a lot of shifts with Mac and I have with Stella so it's not like we had a lot of case work to talk about. But she looked so cute reading in the break room, she purses her lips when she's concentrating and yes it freaks me out that I notice that.

I asked her what she was reading and she told me that she was reading a Time article about the crime rate being down in the city.

Bullshit. They obviously don't have our job. Is what I wanted to say instead I just said, "Don't believe everything you read, besides you should already know what the numbers are from when Mac had you working on them."

She said something along the lines of reading it to make sure they had the right numbers. Since when has she cared about the media being correct? To be the media don't they inherently have to be wrong 85 of the time and blow things out of proportion. I can't remember the last time I saw the Times be accurate in anything they've said about crime in New York.

Oooh there's that pessimism again. I can just hear a psychiatrist telling me to stop looking at the glass as half empty. Live my life and get back to me on the damn glass. As far as I'm concerned a bullet took that glass out long before I could see it as half full.

Anyway, I covered up the terseness of what I had said by saying, "I'm just projecting my own partiality about the media," I said by way of explanation, "Their love/hate relationship with the department wears on you after a while." She was regarding me with such a sincere expression I had to add; "Besides you don't need anymore trouble sleeping."

I can't help it that's been on my mind lately. Almost every time I see her at the start of shift I want to ask how her sleep was, but I know it'd just make her uncomfortable. I still haven't figured out what it is about me that makes her react the way she does. I'm not stupid; I can see her demeanour change when I enter a room.

I wonder about her too much don't I?


	39. Chapter 39

Hey

I am such a friggin' klutz! I honestly have no idea what's wrong with me. Actually I do, it's Lindsay, she needs to stop being so distracting.

I came into the lab today to work on my case and saw her concentrating on something, a ring I think, and then I go and cut my hand with an exacto knife.

That's it the 13 year old is back and he shouldn't have sharp objects.

To make matters worse Mac appears out of no where, as usual just as I did it. And then he decides to tell Lindsay of all people to help me clean it up! What is he into torture? Cruel and unusual torture that forces me to be able to smell her hair again.

Damnit, this cut still hurts.

She looked kinda shocked when he said it too so I can assume she wasn't expecting that either. What I can't take care of myself? Oh wait I guess I can't a beautiful woman is what caused me to cut myself in the first place.

Speaking of Lindsay when we got to the room with the first aid kit she grabbed gauze and put pressure on the cut. Her fingers are very soft and they were a bit cold and I hate that I noticed that. I noticed something else too, she jumped up to sit on the counter and couldn't have looked better while she concentrated on stopping the bleeding. I half forgot I had even cut myself with all the distracting she was doing.

I had to think of something to say or I'd do something highly inappropriate, something I'm pretty sure Mac did not want me doing. So I said, "So what were you working on?"

She replied but didn't look at me, "An assault case. I was processing a ring, it was kind of different, had a cross and some bumps on it."

Well that's definitely something I'm familiar with, "It's a rosary ring, the bumps are counters, victim Italian?"

She answered "No Polish," I just grimaced and nodded, she didn't want my opinion on that.

I heard her stomach growl and asked, "You hungry?" As an after thought I remembered her response the last time I asked that so I added, "And don't tell me you have to get back to the lab."

Then out of nowhere she says "Shoot I'm late," jumps off the counter and leaves. She brushed passed me when she left too, that's it no physical contact is a must from her, and she can't use that shampoo any more...in fact I should transfer to another lab cause she's too distracting.

I licked my lips after she left and totally zoned out before I remembered I was still bleeding. I managed to do a shoddy, but doable job of patching myself up then went back to work.

As I was going to the locker room at the end of my shift Hawkes passed me and smiled, "You might have a present in your locker."

I looked at him weird, "A what?"

He shrugged and kept going, "Go look." I swear the people at this lab are gonna drive me to drink.

When I opened my locker sure enough a piece of paper floated out of it. 'Danny, Sorry about leaving so abruptly on you today, I was late meeting Fred for lunch. Maybe sharp objects just aren't safe in your hands. Lindsay'

She put a little smiling face after her name. Hawkes was standing in the door of the locker room with a smirk on his face so I just shoved the note in my pocket, grabbed my stuff and left.

I think I vaguely heard him say "Office romance is so cute." I hate him.

Oh and who the hell is Fred? I think I may hate him too.


	40. Chapter 40

Hey,

I can't get that stupid note out of my head. Why would she tell me about a guy she's going on a date with, it doesn't make sense! Why am I thinking about it so much? It's not like I want her or anything.

Damn I don't think I even believe myself anymore.

I worked a case solo today; some kid got shot during an argument between his parents. Sometimes I don't understand people. It seems like a pretty cut and dry case but I still wanna process it thoroughly just to be sure. It always bothers me when it's kids who are killed, especially when their parents are such numbskulls. I swear people are stupid.

Damnit I can't get the picture of Lindsay going on a date with the Fred guy out of my head! I didn't see her at all today, which is good cause I don't know what I'd say.

Why do I care if she's dating anyone anyway?


	41. Chapter 41

Hey,

I am a complete idiot. My brain has taken a permanent trip back to high school, which can be the only explanation for my behaviour the past couple of days.

Oh and Lindsay I think I'll blame Lindsay, why does she have to be so appealing? Anyway so our case today was at a Ukrainian Christmas dinner, someone apparently keeled right in the middle of a Polka. Of course there was a room full witnesses who don't know what they saw or why they saw it. Eye witnesses are a waste most of the time.

Lindsay kept trying to engage me in conversation but I was still fuming about this Fred guy…yes I know that's stupid, I'm aware of the 13-year-old taking over my brain, I almost prefer him to the romantic shmuck though.

Anyway, there was no outward trauma to the body and the man's wife assured us that he was in good health. Immediately I figured the son had something to do with it, especially when I found out he was a doctor. He'd have all sorts of access to drugs and would know what to administer to kill his old man. Anyway while we were processing the scene Lindsay made a comment about Ukainians and sticking things to ceilings. I didn't pay attention, cause you know I was working. Yeah I wouldn't believe me either.

So her cell rings and I wasn't planning to overhear but when she said "Sure, just get Uncle Fred to pick me up at work." I almost dropped what I was doing.

Let's just say it again for clarity sake, I'm an idiot

I figured since I had jumped to conclusions enough I'd ask if her uncle was the person she was late for when she left me to bleed out. Yes I'm overly dramatic, sue me.

She said that she had stayed with him before she got her own apartment. I guess this makes sense, I mean family in Montana has to be a different feel than here. Everything about Lindsay is different from the women here, she's got this sweetness that most of the women I meet don't…I can't believe I'm doing this. She's not an option damnit. I really have to stop this thought process; it's not going to happen that's final.

I wonder where she went with her family to eat and I wonder if they are as interesting as her.


	42. Chapter 42

Hey,

Great moment at the lab today. I'm serious it was fantastic I couldn't have planed it better…okay so we're still working this Polka case. The son definitely did it we just have to find the evidence to prove it.

Anyway we were processing the vic's stomach contents and Lindsay found a pill of some kind. So I decided to try something, I haven't tried anything since I rescued her from being locked out of her car. (She never really did thank me for that.) I leaned over her to see what it was she'd found, you know all innocent and all. It was a pill.

I purposely put my one hand down on her left side so that I would have to go around her to get the test tube for the pill. I don't know why I care that she's affected by me, but I can't help it I do care…and damn if I'm not mistaken she is affected. It's an interesting development. I told her to put the pill in the test tube but I pretty much had her boxed in there and really didn't want to help her, she smells fantastic. Even working stomach contents, yes I know I'm getting pathetic, that romantic shmuck is over taking my body today.

Anyway, Mac actually benefited me today, he walked by which of course made Lindsay skittish so she quickly backed up right into me and turned to put the pill in the test tube. You know cause Mac would think we're going at it if he even noticed we were in there. I had to leave quickly to go bring the pill to trace, and to get away from her, when she's in close proximity to me like that my mind instantly comes up with things I really shouldn't be thinking in regards to a co-worker.

Trace came back that afternoon. The pill was a tranquilizer and I had just found out that the son owned two large mastiffs so he had access to this kind of drug, especially since I was told that he took the dogs traveling, it just made sense. I'm not sure about a motive right now but more than likely it'll be something to do with money or property, when kids kill their folks in this way that's usually the case, rather sad actually.

I almost called Lindsay tonight, I wonder if she'd go out to eat with me if I tried asking her again.


	43. Chapter 43

Hey,

You know sometimes it's crazy how right I am. Lindsay found out that the son killed his father for some sizable office space in the East Village. Oh yeah totally makes sense, dad doesn't get me what I want I think I'll kill him. Sounds like my family.

The son didn't even try to hide it. We got a warrant and boom found the meds right next to the kennel unit. You'd think if he'd just used them to murder his father he'd possibly hide them, especially if he knew we were on to him. Sometimes I give people too much credit, cause if he's stupid enough to murder he's probably stupid enough to keep the evidence. Makes my job easier that's for sure.

You know the weirdest thing happened to me last night? I woke up in the middle of the night and wondered if Lindsay was sleeping okay. What is wrong with me? Even my subconscious is out to get me. Let's say for arguments sake I'm actually interested in the woman, how in the world can I go about doing anything about it when we work together? It's just not feasible, it's just not gonna happen, in fact it'd be better if I just stopped talking about Lindsay every single time I write in here.

Except that I can't help but wonder if she thinks about me at all, besides just being an annoying co-worker. Part of me just wants to kiss her and see if it affects me at all and another part of me wants to stay as far away from her as possible cause it's probably best for everybody. Most of me just wants to stop thinking about this altogether.

What have you done to me Montana?


	44. Chapter 44

Hey,

Today has been a long day. I knew it would be when I was woken up by a phone call from Mac. It's is obvious a day is gonna be long and difficult when you are woken up at 2am by the sound of your boss's voice. "Danny I need you to pick up Lindsay and meet us at a new crime scene, low profile and get here fast."

See what I mean? Long day.

"Yeah, fine." I mumbled then realized I got to pick up Lindsay. Getting out of bed wasn't difficult after that, which is frightening, I wonder how she slept. Getting woken up would be worse if she was having bad dreams again. I knew she wouldn't answer me in the car so I figured I'd ask her if she had batteries for my flashlight, she'd have to invite me in then.

She answered her intercom by saying my name, that doesn't affect me I swear, it doesn't, damnit. I said, "Yeah. Hey, do you have any spare batteries? My flashlight needs some." Good job Messer spit it out like you'd been practising it all the way here. You know cause I wasn't, no really I wasn't. Never mind.

She actually let me in and it shouldn't have thrilled me. I'll blame that on how damn early it was and the fact that I was going on no sleep. When she let me into the apartment she didn't even say anything just went back to looking, for the batteries which I presumed, were under the sink. Thank God they were under the sink, cause then I got a great view of how well her jeans hugged her ass. I don't care, I'll admit it here, she has got a fine ass and what's with the jeans? I am pretty damn sure I would have remembered seeing her in those before.

I vaguely recalled her asking me what size I needed, damnit Messer mind OUT of the gutter. "C's" I replied.

"Okay, that sounds doable." Damn DAMN Lindsay you are not helping me! Sounds doable? I swear I had to think of my grandmother naked just to save my dignity. I managed to turn my head away from the fantastic view when she turned around. I hope she didn't notice.

Right okay so my next goal was to find out how she slept. I can't help it, I'm worried. "Did they wake you?" Dumb ass question I know, but give me a break.

"Yeah, not that I was having a good dream or anything," she quipped. Oh no I knew it, I wish there was a way I could help her with that. I don't know WHY I wish this, but I do.

"Bad dreams again?" I was genuinely concerned, she can't go on much longer without proper sleep.

She just stared at me and said, "You look horrible." Yeah well it was damn early and Mac had said to hurry so being aesthetically pleasing to Lindsay wasn't first on my priority list. Wait, should it have been?

I decided to play the smart ass and get the answer I wanted, "Thank you, Answer my question." I said firmly.

"Yeah," she said then her stomach growled. It was too damn early in the morning for me to hear her stupid excuse about getting to the lab so I didn't even ask if she was hungry, Mac could wait she at least needed to eat. So I took her to a nearby drive thru and made my order before turning to her so she could order. Her look was dubious, but was there a bit of gratitude in there? I choose to believe there was.

She actually thought she was paying too, honestly Lindsay what do you take me for? "Don't even think about it Monroe. It's too early in the morning to get into that argument." She may not have thought I heard it but I did she audibly sighed, I think it was supposed to be frustration but damnit if it wasn't cute. I hope Mac keeps us apart for this investigation, I'm gonna need my space.

Everyone was waiting for us when we got there. Flack and Hawkes were already over the body so Mac filled us in, "Everyone's on this one until it gets solved. The vic's the niece of the director of the Parks Department. This one's gonna be high profile."

Stella piped up in her authoritative voice, "Lindsay, you're with me." Thank God again for small favours.

Mac had me on the perimeter. I swear I took pictures of that whole damn area. Found some footprints that didn't look right, they were too big to be the vic's. It wasn't a high foot traffic area either so I took moulds of those and hoped we might get a hit. This poor woman was worked over something awful. I found three of her nails and the way they were ripped off, they weren't fake. Damnit.

Back at the lab Flack was filling me in on some of the interviews he'd done then smirked. "I hear you picked Lindsay up this morning."

I tried to shrug it off, "Yeah well her place is on my way it was better than waiting for her to take a cab, besides this has to be low profile."

Damn him he just kept smirking, "Right, right, just being a nice co-worker. So you didn't notice what she was wearing?"

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Yeah deny it Messer, that's the way to do it. Of course she picks this time to walk by so Flack can smirk at me and say to her "Nice jeans, Lindsay." Ass.

She didn't even look at us just said "Thanks," and kept going.

I smacked Flack, "What the hell?"

He shrugged, "Hey just cause you're too chicken shit to compliment her doesn't mean I can't," and then he just walked away. I opened my mouth to retort but nothing came out, yeah well I don't compliment people a lot, sue me.

After lunch we had a meeting, where we got a strict 'no talking the media' speech. Gee ya think?

Mac and Stella were getting a warrant to check out the dealer so that meant Lindsay and I got to interview the girl's roommate who had called in a missing person report. So much for not seeing her and how good those jeans looked. Have I said damnit yet?

Well we found out the vic had started dating the dealer to rebel against her family. I have seen too many bodies of young girls that do that. Why do they do that? What is it about that whole bad boy thing that gets them going? Ehm, not that I have ever exploited that of course.

Naturally she had no intention of getting involved with the scene, yeah well they never do. Mac and Stella found the dealer driving a stolen car in Brooklyn. Dumb ass, hasn't he heard of laying low. Oh well stupid suspects are easier to nail for their crime.

I pulled Stella aside and told her that Lindsay needed her sleep and if they didn't need her I was going to take her home. She nodded and gave me that sage 'I know what you're doing' look coupled with that 'aww you're so sweet' look. I brushed it off by breaking eye contact with her; I didn't need Stella reading my very soul right then.

I found Lindsay at her locker; again she was too tired to fight me on the fact that I was driving her home. I hate that, I like her feisty, when she's so exhausted it makes me worry. I don't like to worry. I got one nice view as she left my car, yeah sue me I worry but I can still look, where she was greeted by an older lady, possibly a neighbour who gave me a once over before following her into the building.

I didn't think about it much just went home and fell face first onto my bed. I planned to make myself more presentable when I went to the lab next, you know cause it's more professional.


	45. Chapter 45

Hey,

Can I use a wrench? I mean really does Mac think I'm incompetent? But I'll back up…

In less then six months I've had two cases that revolve around models. I think buying the next swimsuit addition might be hazardous to my health. Well, it usually is. Anyway, I gotta say people will never cease to amaze me. Get this two models die, one from ecstasy that was in her painted on body paint, I swear I don't make this stuff up and the other chick got clocked on the head from a paint can cause she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Why when people get caught do they automatically go to murder and if they murder someone why do they leave a full damn handprint on the murder weapon? Murderers are getting dumber I'm telling you.

Ya know, I'm not exactly the tallest guy on the planet but if I do one more model case I'm gonna feel like a damn midget. I almost went and talked to Stella and Lindsay at one point so I could feel just a bit more adequate. As gorgeous as those women are they are hella intimidating. Come to think of it Stella and Lindsay are gorgeous and intimidating too, but at least I can see eye to eye with them.

So I'm a scientist and a plumber now. We realized that something was in the paint after the Doc had hosed the vic down so of course Mac asks if I'm good with a wrench cause obviously I gotta stick my head under the pipes and loosen them. Course I'm good with a wrench, I'm a handy guy I'll have you know. Or have Mac know…or something.

Anyway that's how we found out about the ecstasy in the paint. It wasn't even supposed to get on the model…my question what is the point of painting them? You know besides the fact that it's erotic knowing there's a thin layer of paint between them and uh…people. Hey come on I'm a red blooded male, who is also professional. I talked to a model with green eyes, one with hazel and another with dark brown. Keep your eyes on their face and they don't smack you…see I can learn.

I heard Lindsay got a case with leeches. So Montana gets out here deals with a tiger, finds a murder weapon by attacking a pig, and finds leeches on a body. Plus she got to work in lube a few weeks ago, she gets some fun cases.

Hmm, Lindsay in a vat of lube. I wonder if she'd ever wear body paint. Just a thought.


	46. Chapter 46

Hey,

I don't know what's so damn funny. Ever since we got this model case Hawkes has been mocking me.

So, I can interview a woman dressed only in paint and look directly into her eyes, why is this so shocking? And why does he have to keep saying under his breath, "she's affecting you more than you let on."

I kept pretending I had no idea what he was talking about until he just gave me that damn Sheldon look and said "Shut up Messer it's written all over your face. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that you didn't get distracted by the naked women."

I never said I wasn't distracted, I guess I'm just more discreet. Besides we had two dead women to worry about, I wasn't gonna take away from that by staring...why is this concept so hard to conceive?

It's interesting that he kept saying 'she' and I just assumed he meant Lindsay.

I told Mac he needed to get out of the lab more, I wonder if Lindsay ever does. I should ask her one of these days. Maybe if I catch her properly off guard she won't have time to think up another excuse.

Or maybe I should stop letting Hawkes affect my thinking. She's my co-worker, that's it; get back on that train of thought Messer.

Flack just called me to laugh about my uh 'ability to resist temptation' as he put it. What, did Hawkes put out a damn bulletin?

I wonder if he told Lindsay.


	47. Chapter 47

Hey,

I need a break. Actually I need a damn vacation. But first I have to seriously consider whether Hawkes can remain my friend.

He comes up to me today and all nonchalant, like I wouldn't flip out, he says "I ran into Cindy this morning."

I almost sputtered my damn coffee onto the floor, "You what?"

Hawkes just smirked at me, the bastard, "She seems to think you're cheating on her."

I was waiting for someone to pinch me, "Where would she get that idea?" Yeah sue me I've called her a couple of times since I said I wouldn't, she's fun and doesn't make me think too much.

Anyway, he just kept smirking "Possibly from the case."

"You told her about the model case?" I asked.

He nodded trying his damndest to look innocent, "Well yeah, she saw stuff about it on Entertainment Tonight and I just said we were working the case."

You know I'm pretty sure I gave him a pissed off look but he just kept chuckling, "This isn't funny Hawkes, why'd you have to tell her that?"

He rolled his eyes, "Oh stop it at least I didn't tell her you have a crush on Lindsay. You can play off the model thing as work."

What the hell is he talking about. I got up in his face and tried to be as serious as I possibly could, "I do NOT have a crush on Lindsay."

When will people stop talking about me? Honestly, the man needs to get himself a girlfriend or an easy lay cause his preoccupation with my love life is getting on my nerves.

I wonder what Lindsay's done on her day off.


	48. Chapter 48

Hey,

I have had the weirdest damn day ever. Actually my day started at the end of the previous one.

Honestly, why me? I'm casually standing on the subway just aching to be home. I'd just finished an 18 hour shift and could almost taste the cold beer I had in the fridge, then I saw a dead body…hell I saw an even better body before I saw the dead one but we'll get back to her later.

Yes you read correctly I saw a dead body, what kind of karma puts a dead body in front of a subway train with a CSI on it? Hell if I know but I did need to stop that train and I'll admit it, in the back of my mind I hoped that first body was impressed…but I digress.

Apparently the corpse on the subway called Mac away from some Mayor's thing and Lindsay from the opera…wait when did she get a date to the opera? I found that disconcerting, which helped me concentrate my thoughts away from the fact that she looked fantastic in green and the waves in her hair just about killed me.

I told her she cleaned up well and I wasn't lyin'. Oh and I really do hang out with all the wrong people, how come my co-workers get to do cultured things that don't include me?

Lindsay and I got the job of interrogating the subway driver in the train ahead of mine, he took a liking to her…I took a liking to him being arrested later.

Another strange thing about my day, Lindsay and I go to talk to the kid who was subway surfing with our vic and some girl answers the door in her underwear, looks right at me like I'm supposed to join her.

Then Monroe goes and gives me this look like I was contemplating it! Sheesh I wasn't, it just takes a guy a moment to realize someone is only in their underwear. And yes I'm the same guy who talked to women only wearing paint…did I mention I was working a double??

I don't know why I thought I needed to explain myself to Lindsay, it's not like she asked me if she could go on a date to the opera. Wait, why am I assuming this is a date, hell maybe her Uncle Fred likes it. Nah, it had to be a date, she looked to good to be going out with an uncle.

Well good then I'll be done with this non-crush I had.

So back to the first body I saw on the train. As luck would have it she was there when I finally finished my shift. I told Mac I wouldn't pick up any more dead ones, but I figured a live one wasn't a bad idea. She was nice and smart too she was studying when I introduced myself. Lucky for me she had been impressed, I think I'm done calling Cindy when I'm bored.

I wonder if Lindsay made up for leaving her opera date in the lurch. I shouldn't be pleased about that, but I am.


	49. Chapter 49

Hey,

I've been working with Mac a lot lately. Don't get me wrong it's not that I mind, but I could have sworn for a time there last year that he was intentionally avoiding me, now all of a sudden I'm okay? I try not to dwell on it, cause that's just pathetic, but I can't help but wonder if he's ever going to fully trust me again. I also tend to wonder why the hell I care.

My day was going surprisingly well, Mac and I were working on a cold case that he'd had on his desk for awhile, since the only new case we had was being worked by Hawkes, Montana and Kaile.

Ah Kaile that was a fun little 'thing' we had awhile back, not sure why it ended, most likely my fault, I couldn't deal well with her being shot and all.

I ran into Hawkes when he came back to the lab to talk autopsy with Hammerback. He gave me a smile that made me want to head 'er on back to Mac's office and pretend I couldn't find trace. I winced, "What?"

He just smirked, "You're paranoid Danny, I didn't say anything."

"You're working with her, Hawkes, don't even pretend you aren't going to say something."

He shrugged, "I couldn't begin to know what you are talking about, although she's learning Chinese phrases from Kaile, it's cute."

I rolled my eyes, "You gave me that look cause she did something cute? I'm not having this conversation with you."

I went to keep walking but he had yet another comment, "So why don't we talk Cindy then."

I froze and raised an eyebrow at him, "What? So you and her are best friends now?"

He shook his head, "I see her at the same coffee joint every morning, apparently she and Lindsay have more than wanting you in common."

I sighed, "Shut up, and find your point Hawkes."

"They hang out." Did the world just spin off it's axis?

I stared at him as though he had just grown a new head that looked like Stella, "I'm sorry what?"

He gets way too much enjoyment out of making me squirm, "Lindsay and Cindy are becoming fast friends, she's gonna call Lindsay later, apparently she really thinks you're cheating on her."

I think my brain was solely working on telling the blood to rush through my system.

"How the hell do you know all this?" I managed to ask.

He shrugged, "People trust me," he grinned, "It's my welcoming face."

I don't think I heard him; how the hell did Cindy hear about Jenn? I just met the woman on the subway a few days ago and wait a minute I'm not WITH Cindy, didn't we break up? I can't be cheating then can I? We only hooked up a couple of times after I stopped answering her calls. Does that mean we were back together? Damn, Jenn was, well, sweet and smart too.

It's official there are too many damn women in my life. I didn't realize Hawkes was gone till Adam taped my shoulder, "Are you expecting the trace to walk it's own way over to me?" He asked reaching for the bag I had. I just stared at him and walked away, all of a sudden I have a headache.

Cindy hanging out with Lindsay? What the hell do they have in common besides, well, me I guess? Oh this headache is gonna take awhile to go away.

I need a good stiff drink, in fact I need many. Why me?


	50. Chapter 50

Hey,

You are not going to believe where I just came from…guess…come on. Okay fine I just got back from a pub where MAC was playing bass in a jazz band. I'm serious. Mac was playing bass; I think I had to blink a number of times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

I'd think Lindsay had spiked my drink, but I hadn't gotten it yet. Oh yeah did I mention Lindsay invited me out to see Mac play…or maybe it wasn't just for that reason. I'm not exactly sure yet, let me backtrack, I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes.

I think I have had my quota for weird cases. Today we had a case of a corpse with glue covering his face. Yes, it's true, glue…wanna know the weirdest thing, it was some kind of poster turf war that killed this guy. I've said it before and I'll say it again I will never understand people. (Woman most of all, but again with the getting ahead)

Working with Lindsay was different today I have no idea why. She seemed a lot calmer and relaxed. I think she was yelling something at me when I found these gluey footprints…she gave me a funny look later like I had missed something.

What? I was following the evidence; I ended up finding the killer didn't I? Not that I knew it at the time. He reminded me of this rep that used to try and sign the band I played in way back in the day. I never liked the skeezes that wanna use someone else's talent to make them money. Pisses me off.

Mac helped us a bit with the case, which was odd. Of course now that I'm fully aware of his affinity to playing the bass I guess it wasn't as odd as I thought. He helped us figure some stuff out about the murder, so hell who am I to complain?

If Lindsay didn't like my joke of sticking to the case like glue (come on it's funny right?) then she definitely had a reaction when I asked her if she wanted to see Rough Sects. It's the name of the band, but she didn't know that, I coulda kissed that look off her face. But you know I didn't, cause that would be wrong.

Anyway the case is closed, its old news anyway. Weirdest part of my day Lindsay implies early on in the case that she knows Mac better than I do. Okay so it was a corny ass joke, but he laughed damnit…fine he was probably humouring me…but he hasn't done that in a good long while.

Anyway I didn't think she had a clue about Mac Taylor, I mean come on, how long have I worked for the man? Then she says to me, with this coy look on her face that I'm too meet her at this bar tonight and wouldn't tell me why. So sue me I got a bit nervous and yeah I'll admit it, excited too but confused none the less…let me get this straight you aren't hungry enough to eat with me but you want to have a drink with me?

Then again now that I look at the whole picture, maybe she just wanted me to see Mac…but why? Why would she care? Why not just leave it alone, my relationship with our boss shouldn't make any difference to her.

See this is what happens when you let a woman invite you somewhere and buy you drinks, you start over analyzing shit.

I gotta admit she's a lot of fun and this new thing she's doing with her hair, I love it. I know I wasn't going to remember her hair; but I can't help it this wavy thing is killin' me.

I wonder if this was just a one time thing. I hope not.


	51. Chapter 51

Hey,

I have just decided that Fructis shampoo is my absolute favourite. Why you ask? Well, because it is apparently what Lindsay uses, therefore it's my favourite. How do I know this? Well I'm a detective, I detected. Oh and I saw her at the grocery store again, go fig.

I'd say it's fate if I believed in that kind of shit. I just needed spaghetti sauce for supper and was picking it up when I saw her. She was standing in line to pay, with a hell of a lot of figs. You know that reminds me Cindy used to have fresh fig newtons every now and again, said her aunt made them. I wonder why Lindsay had that many figs.

Anyway I think I startled her when I tapped her on the shoulder. In fact I know I did cause she jumped and sent about a half dozen figs flyin'. I picked them up and smirked at her, her jumpiness was kinda cute.

I wonder why she gets like that around me sometimes. I handed her the figs and that's when I noticed the shampoo, I had to do a double take then smirked to myself, so that's the culprit of her addicting hair.

She told me she would thank me for my help but it was my fault that she dropped them in the first place. What? It's not my fault she gets all skittish when I touch her. I should have said that, but wisely decided against it and just say I could have just as easily left them where they were.

She didn't respond except to look at me perplexed. That's right Montana, I have ya there. Then I had to ask, "What are you doing with all these figs anyway?"

She said they were for her neighbour. If I believed in fate, it would probably have it that her neighbour was Cindy's aunt, but I can't imagine fate hating me that much, although it would explain how the hell the two of them could have met.

I just raised my eyebrows but didn't ask, I figured ignorance truly was bliss at that point. I changed tactics and talked about the night at 'Cozys'. "That's a nice thing to do, considering you're a cheater at pool."

I knew that would get a rise out of her and naturally I wasn't disappointed. "I don't cheat at pool!" She declared getting the attention of the cashier. She always gets this slight blush when I tease her, it's kinda cute. Not that I needed another reason to like looking at the woman.

I kept going, "You moved the cue ball."

She replied with some lame excuse, "No I didn't, it slipped. After the fuss you made I'm surprised Mac didn't come over telling us to leave."

I couldn't help it, she was cheating and it needed to be said, especially after she told me she was good at pool! The cashier interrupted with the price of her groceries I figured since this was going so well I'd continue, "So you're a cheat and a stalker. I said we should go say hi," I quipped.

I was still insanely curious as to how she had figured out it was Cozys where Mac played bass. Although I guess it would be at the top of the alphabet if she just decided to start cold calling, but who does that? Especially in regards to their boss?

She got this curious look on her face then crinkled up her nose like she was smelling something. What I can't be sure. I'm pretty sure I didn't smell bad, I had just had a shower, but she couldn't smell that, could she? That did reminds me that I needed to get some more Leaver 2000, I just ran out.

The cashier watched her hurry out of her then smiled at me. I don't what she was thinking and I wasn't in the mood to ask so I just paid for my spaghetti sauce and left, I'll get the body wash next time.

Damn she booted it out of there quickly. What is it Montana? Why always the quick exits?

Wait. Did she say 'next time'? Does that mean there will be a next time? I've decided I really like the fact that my boss plays bass. And jazz is turning into my new favourite music genre.

Maybe Lindsay could help Cozys be a regular hangout, I wonder what Mac would think of that.


	52. Chapter 52

Hey,

I think I may have painted myself into the proverbial corner here, either that or Hawkes is doing a damn fine job of painting for me. It seems he and Cindy are getting all chummy during their morning 'meetings'. You know that's just perfect, I hope they get married and have loads of fat babies, maybe then I'll get some peace! Anyway, as always I am ahead of myself…

I suppose in proper guy fashion I should throw in a 'GO STEELERS' in here cause they won the super bowl. I know I could lose my nuts for this, but I don't care…which was the wide consensus at the 'super bowl' party I attended on Sunday, it basically consisted of Hawkes and Mac arguing over the mathematical equations that could deduce where each player was going to end up while Flack kept throwing in random comments about touchdowns and something along the lines of 'shut up about the gawddamn math'. It was highly amusing for the most part, I just nursed my beer and watched them. Hell they were more entertaining than the football.

Did you catch that slip in there? Yup, it's true Mac actually graced us with his presence. I'm not exactly sure how comfortable I am with 'hanging out' with my boss, but ever since I saw him playing at Cozys he's been more real to me, or something. Either way it wasn't as weird as the dinner parties we were all attending before Christmas and I was grateful for that.

Anyway, during the half time, which was the Rolling Stones and brought on a whole discussion about how skeletal they were and how many bones we could count and the medical reasons they all could still be alive. Yeah we're geeks, sue us. Flack broke up the medical talk by asking me about Jenn, which got Hawkes talking about Cindy and Mac asking me why Lindsay and I didn't say hi to him after his set the other day.

Dear Jesus, make the hurting stop, thank you.

I think I still have a headache. After the three biddies stopped talking amongst themselves about the women I seem to be accumulating in my life they all looked at me like I was supposed to give them some insight. Hell if I know, I'm still stuck on why Lindsay asked me to the bar in the first place.

Oh and here's a newsflash about why Lindsay was sniffing me at the store the other day. Because I was wearing cologne, or at least my jacket was. I should have answered her question by just saying 'Polo Sport' and watching her blush because I had caught her, hey thought would have been cute, where is this kind of thought process when I'm in the moment?

Right so my point, it was the same coat I'd warn to the bar, and bug me all you want I'd put some on before I left. Then when we were waiting for her cab I let her wear my coat cause she was cold. See I can be a gentleman, although I gotta admit it's not looking well for me right now. I feel as though some shit is gonna hit the fan soon and if I'm not careful it's gonna hit me in the face.

First order of business, clearly and unequivocally break up with Cindy! No more mister nice guy…oh and umm no more calling her for a hook up either, that could have sent mixed messages.

Second, probably not call Jenn again, just cause, yeah that wouldn't work. She's a sweet girl, she'll be fine, besides she's studying, and she doesn't need a distraction like me. Okay so properly placated the guilt on that issue.

Thirdly, figure out how to go out with Lindsay again, without freaking her out.


	53. Chapter 53

Hey,

I'm gonna whine here. How come I can't work the JFK case? What the hell? Just cause I don't like flying doesn't mean I can't process a plane when it's on the ground! How come Hawkes gets to work with Lindsay…with all his chatting to Cindy I think I might have to be worried.

Yup there comes that headache.

And while I'm complaining I'd like to place an order for a whole new group of friends. The only ones that can stay the way there are is Stella and Lindsay. All my damn male friends have turned into meddlesome old biddies who have no friggin' lives!

Get this, I called Flack to find out if there was a cemetery near Dunwoodie Golf Course and after he told me it was right across the Parkway he continues with, "You wish you were at the airport don't you?"

"Shut up," I grumbled, "I'm gonna hang up if you don't have anything important to say."

He just starts to chuckle manically, "She's working really hard, do ya wanna talk to her?" I'm sure I muttered something unintelligible as I switched the phone to my other ear so all I heard was, "And Danny, Lindsay wants to join the mile high club."

My response: I promptly dropped my phone.

I had to crawl under the damn table to get it then I hit my head on the way back up I was swearing a blue streak by the time I stood up again. All the lab techs in the room decided to take that moment to go on their break. "Flack you fucker," I managed, "Would you stop it?"

I may have yelled that too, I'm not sure. You wanna know what he does, sounds all calm and says "Aw, now I wouldn't have her do anything you wouldn't."

What in god's name does that mean?? Which is what I asked him, again at a rather large volume, Adam walked by the lab and looked at me weird, okay so he could hear me through the glass…sue me.

"Whatever you say, Pharoah." Oh that's cute, yeah bring it back to his damn De Nile joke…I mean honestly he just finds a friggn' dead horse and beats it. I was gonna say something smart back at him but he hung up so I texted him the message 'That horse you're beating, it's still dead!' Ass.

Speaking of text messages I got one from Cindy it said this:

"Cheater!"

Sweet she's pissed at me, I got another from Jenn:

"Who's Cindy?"

WTF?? Does the woman put out an add?? Am I going to need a restraining order against her??

I hope to hell Lindsay doesn't think I'm a player. It's more complicated then that.


	54. Chapter 54

Hey,

This has been an insane day. I sometimes wonder why I even bother with women. Although it's not fair to lump all of my disdain onto the gender, at this moment it's mostly directed at Cindy. That woman is nuts that's all there is to it. However, Jenn, she is not nuts, in fact if I didn't have this 'I-don't-know-what-the-hell-it-is' with Lindsay I'd probably pursue her more. Let me explain:

So today was my day off and this is how I spent it…I knew that Jenn had a spare this morning so I called her and asked if she'd meet me for breakfast.

She was so sweet about it, after we had ordered she explained that this woman came over and talked to her asking about me and how long she and I had been seeing each other. She had answered honestly but was a little freaked out.

Jeez ya think? Where the hell does Cindy get off tracking down the women I talk to? I apologised profusely until she laughed and told me to stop. She really is adorable.

You know what else she said? This was weird; she randomly says "who is she?"

I'm a guy so I dumbly ask her, 'Who? Cindy?"

She said, "No, the woman you're so desperate to think better of you."

This woman is taking too many psychology courses. I just feigned ignorance and she dropped it. How in the hell did she figure that out? Do I have it written on my forehead or something? Hell I'm not at the point where I wanna say I care about anything, not yet.

Anyway, that was the good part of the day. Then came the talking to Cindy part…I swear my brain must have been set on dumb when I decided to date her.

She showed up to meet me for lunch and swept into the room like she was a damn debutant or something. She actually leaned down and kissed me before sitting across from me. I didn't have a chance to refuse her, but I did wipe my mouth which I don't think she liked.

I told her she needed to stop harassing Jenn. She said she wasn't harassing just protecting herself.

This pissed me off, "Cindy we aren't together, you are not my girlfriend anymore I do not owe you damn thing let alone an explanation for every woman I talk to."

She was stunned then asked if it wasn't Jenn that took me away from her than was it the mystery girl I went out with the other night? I had to rack my brain to figure out when it hit me, "Lindsay?" I finally asked. "I work with her."

Her eyes grew wide, "You went out with Lindsay?"

Now it was my turn to be stunned, "Wait you know Lindsay?" I know Hawkes told me, but I had to play dumb, especially since part of me was hoping he had made it up.

She just nodded, "She lives in the same building as my aunt."

Oh shit, the figs, I guess fate hates me after all. "So does this mean you're with…"

She started to ask but I had to cut her off, "Cindy it's none of your damn business who I'm with. I've tried to be nice about this and I really am sorry if I made you think otherwise, but there is no way we are together…so I don't owe you any explanation about where I go or who I'm with. If I hear about you talking to any other woman I know without their express permission I'll get the law involved am I clear?"

I don't think she liked that very much, she swore a bit said something about me being an ungrateful bastard who didn't deserve her time. Uh good, then stop giving it to me.

Then she says "Besides I'm dating a pharmacist now."

Uh okay so why does she care who I talk to? Does this make any damn sense at all? I had to leave a huge tip cause she stormed out of there and practically ran a waiter over.

This headache isn't going away any time soon.

I wonder what she's gonna say to Lindsay. How the hell could I have missed that she even knew Lindsay? How well do they know each other I wonder?

Damn Lindsay isn't gonna want anything to do with me after this. I think I need a beer, perhaps several.


	55. Chapter 55

Hey,

You know that headache? The kind that's pounding so damn hard in your head you could swear that it's a jackhammer going off somewhere? If you don't know it then I don't wish it on you, hell I'm almost at the point where I don't wish this on Sassone and I hate that guy's guts.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I'm waiting for Lindsay to hate me. I don't even want to talk about why I care if she hates me, but I do, so let's leave the teasing me about it to people like Hawkes and Flack...I don't need it from a damn book I'm writing in...

Dear God the woman has really driven me to this hasn't she? If only she wasn't so...Lindsay.

Speaking of, I saw her this morning right when she came in...I stupidly didn't have a clue what to do. I just kinda looked at her, possibly waiting for the inevitable "she had talked to Cindy and hated my guts" or possibly "let's not talk about going to the bar because I don't want to be seen in public with you again"...I don't know why I think that is inevitable but I do. The Lindsay Monroe's of the world do not seriously think about guy's like me...she's out of my league.

I tried to instead make light and asked her if she was making any friends...I wanted to see if she'd tell me that she knew Cindy or if she'd hide it...she mentioned something about the only person she knew was her neighbour...so I tentatively said "Cindy's aunt."

Too gage her reaction...she looked like she came to a conclusion of some kind before she said "As for Cindy, she's not my friend, we're just acquaintances."

Relief washed over me like I can't even describe to you, but I decided to play it cool seeing as I can't have her thinking I was actually worried about that. I'm not sure why I can't have her thinking that, I just can't. So I just said, "I didn't say nothing" and watched mutely as she walked away.

The headache abated then I'll give her that...why does she completely affect me like this? It's disconcerting.

In other big news I'm going to Atlanta for the FBI's Annual Pathology meeting. I have no idea why and I didn't ask, I also agreed before I found out Hawkes and Lindsay were going as well. Mac seems to think it was pertinent that I go to show I'm growing from the Minhas thing...he didn't say it, but I know that's what he's doing.

Hawkes and Monroe are new; it seems obvious why they'd go...either way...Hawkes of course came to find me as soon as he found out. He said something strange though, he apologized for talking too much about Cindy. Huh? I thought this was fun for him, when did he worry about it bothering me.

I brushed it off, cause I don't do mushy moments like that...he noticed the itinerary that Mac had given me and smirked, "So we're going to Atlanta with Lindsay...what do you think about that?"

I raised an eyebrow at him and decided to be evasive, "I think we can learn a lot from some of those workshops I look forward to it."

He made a noise something along the lines of "Psh, you can't wait to put a move on Lindsay."

That did it, "Listen Hawkes," I looked at him rather sternly, "She deserves more than someone putting a move on her, you and I both know that, so stop inferring that I want to make a Lindsay notch on my belt okay?"

I didn't wait for him to respond just walked away to calm myself. Almost smack into Stella who must have heard our conversation because I could just make out her saying "Looks like he told you."

I wonder if Lindsay just thinks I want to put a move on her. That's a depressing thought...here comes that headache again...full force.

I didn't realize this was over Valentines day until just now. Shit.


	56. Chapter 56

Hey, 

I didn't want to get up this morning. Well I had to wake up at 5am so that was the main reason I didn't want to get up, the other had more to do with Lindsay. I still don't get why she haunts me...what is it about that woman? I just can't put my finger on it. She's just so...different.

Anyway, most of the morning is a lot of me getting ready, last minute packing and hailing a cab to get to the airport. Hawkes gave me a copy of the conference schedule just before Lindsay met up with us. For some reason I couldn't think of a thing to say to her so I just consulted the schedule, staring at it like it was going to reveal something to me if I looked long enough. Have I mentioned she does bizzare things to my head?

You know I thought that I had gotten through to Hawkes the other day but apparently he's just decided to silently attack me now. Wanna know why I thought that? Well he was in the lead as we walked onto the plane...then he decides to let Lindsay have the window seat...so guess where he had me sit?

Yup, you guessed it...smack in the middle. Thanks Sheldon, ass. He made some stupid excuse up about needing the aisle seat and whatever. Honestly, he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.

I figured I'd just leave it and take the seat without protest. It was cute though, Lindsay seemed to be struggling with getting her carryon in the bin so I watched for a moment knowing that she wouldn't ask for help. Her stubbornness is endearing...not sure why...but it is.

I finally graced Hawkes with a response to his request that I sit in the middle by saying 'What are friends for?' He caught the double meaning...at least he better have, he doesn't want me spelling it out for him that's for damn sure.

I also helped Lindsay with her bag knowing we'd be standing there for a week before she'd ask for help. Effortlessly I put both our bags in the compartment and sat down. She muttered a thanks, which I know was hard for her, which for some reason I didn't point out. I should have.

Okay I hate flying at the best of times, but I'm sure I won't fly on Valentines day again. The flight attendant came by with heart shaped chocolates for all the passengers that Hawkes said was sweet...I think he just had a crush on the flight attendant. I don't really eat chocolate much, although it has it's purposes so I offered mine to Lindsay.

She just shoved it into her pocket. Oh great, maybe she does hate me.

So we've been given rooms according to last names...that's right, you guessed it Lindsay is across the hall from me. In fact she is right now across the hall, I'm half tempted to knock on her door, but I won't.

Maybe she decided to hook up with that oddball from the elevator. I hope not cause that would give me cause to wonder about her taste. I'm ahead of myself to let me back peddle.

After we uncomfortably found out about our room placement and with much smirking from Hawkes we piled into the elevator. I situated myself in the corner like I always do, Lindsay held the door for some guy who was just...well weird. He was some tech from Vegas who was obviously a CSI wannabe cause he spewed off some slang like he knew what he was talking about.

Personally I think he probably was some lacky who thought he was important...but I'll digress from that. He took a liking to Lindsay and even said 'Hey, you're kinda cute.' As soon as he got on.

Smooth move asswipe she's really gonna like you after that. This is what I thought, not what I said. The funny thing is she sort of thanked him for the complimented then backed up closer to me. I have no idea what that was about but I'll tell you this much it took all of my will power not to wrap an arm around her protectively to send a clear message to the Vegas guy...his name was Hodges or something.

What was the slang he used you must be wondering? Oh he said something about his room being called 'murder central' cause it was the first room closest to the stairs. "That's what we call it in Vegas."

Uh huh, sure you do buddy, do you call it that or do the actual CSI's call it that? Again something I thought but didn't say. Hawkes actually got a call from Flack so naturally they talk about Lindsay and I, in code no less. It's becoming scaringly apparent that they really haven't grown out of high school.

This is what I overheard, "Yeah, it was a good flight...and would you believe those two seminars I was interested in are right across the hall from each other," Hawkes said before I heard Flack say, "Boom. Wonderful."

I may have coughed 'ass' after that, but I'll deny it if asked. You know what made that Hodges guy even more annoying? When Lindsay and I got off on our floor he actually asked Hawkes, as the elevator closed, if we were married. I'm sorry what? How did he figure that? Despite the fact that she was standing close to me in an effort to get away from him, we didn't look together. Did we?

Anyway after much frustration in trying to get my key card to work in the door I finally got into my room. Why can't hotel's just have key's any more? I'm just sayin'. I did ask her if she wanted to come into my room, since she was so kind to help me open my door. She just gave me a look like I had suggested we have a quickie before the first seminar. Does she really think I'm that crass?

Hawkes and I found her finishing up a meal in the restaurant right before the next seminars. I followed her to the Poster one...don't know why. Mostly because I hadn't decided where I was going to go so I figured I might as well go with one of them and since I don't think I'm talking to Hawkes, Lindsay was my next choice.

Okay I'll admit it, she was my first choice. I managed to convince her to have dinner with me later, although we had to cut it short for the seminar on infectious diseases...it was interesting. She watched me take notes, I don't know why...but she did. I had to pretend I didn't notice, but I'm pretty sure she did.

I was going to say a whole lot of things to her as we went up to our rooms that night but nothing I wanted to say was forming into a proper sentence. I figured I'd stick with silence. She probably didn't care to have an extended conversation with me about anything other than work anyway.

Now I'm going to attempt to sleep and convince myself that knocking on her door tonight would be a bad idea.

I wonder what she'd do if I did.


	57. Chapter 57

Hey,

Lindsay is avoiding me.

Okay so maybe she's not completely avoiding me, but she most definitely was trying to keep her distance from me during the rest of the Atlanta trip. On the one morning I heard her door open and was gonna open my door and tell her to wait for me but when I looked out the peephole I saw her glance at my door and hurry down the hall. I'm not paranoid damnit, she was obviously avoiding me.

I saw her having breakfast with Hawkes this morning and opted to grab a coffee and go upstairs to finish packing. Hell on the way back Hawkes made sure that we have the same seating arrangement and she read the whole time! I would have brought it up to her but I most definitely was not giving Hawkes a front row seat to that conversation. So I slept...or at least I pretended to sleep. In reality I ran over in my head all the reasons why she'd avoid me.

I came up with too many. I think I need a woman's opinion.

I called Stella as soon as I got back to my apartment. I don't know how I managed to get my predicament out without sounding like that 13-year-old I thought I'd abandoned a long time ago.

Stella just chuckled and said "Meet me for coffee...twenty minutes." I did as I was told, I learned a long time ago not to argue with Stella Bonesara...it's pointless really.

She greeted me with a hug and then regarded me for a second. "Now are you going to be honest with me Danny?" She asked.

"When have I ever been dishonest with you?" I retorted.

She just raised an eyebrow in a way that made me nervous, "Don't answer my question with a question."

It went from there. We talked for an hour and I really don't want to rehash the whole thing. Although I got her message loud and clear...lighten up and be myself.

Uh huh, now if only I didn't think being myself would repel Lindsay instead of attract her.

I wonder when it was that I openly admitted I wanted to attract her? I also wonder if she'd ever be attracted to me.


	58. Chapter 58

Hey,

This is the year for weird ass cases I'm sure of it. You are not even going to believe what I have done in the last week...it astounds even me. The cusine alone was eye opening let alone the manner of death for our vic.

I worked with Hawkes on this case, which is probably best. I was still sorting out the whole Lindsay thing in my head. Yes there's a Lindsay thing don't even start, I'll admit it. She's beautiful, she's intriguing, she's actually quite funny and damnit if she didn't make me lose a bet. But again I've gone ahead of myself.

So in regards to the case it turns out the motive made more sense then the manner of death. Not that I condone killing when someone ruins your life, if I did then there would be a few corpses of my own doing...but enough about me.

The vic was a scam artist and her scams basically caught up with her. Wanna know how she died, I'm sure you're curious...friggin' live octopus in her mouth! I kid you not...to say Hawkes and I learned a lot is an understatement.

He also became the to parent a unique brand of centipede cause it laid eggs in the vics ear and he went ahead and hatched those eggs. He should be proud. I don't make this stuff up I swear to you.

I suppose I should mention that I ate one of those centipedes...not one of Hawkes' children of course...but at the restaurant when we encountered the killer for the first time. (Granted we didn't know he was a killer then but he was an ass, implied that we didn't have the stones to eat it...so I did...shut up I hate passing up a dare)

Oh yeah did I mention the vic, killer and those surrounding them ate 'exotic' cusine?? Well they did...so I decided to show everyone at the lab that I have some culture damnit. Plus I knew that I could stomach the bug food I figured no one else could. Hence the bet...Mac figured Lindsay would eat it. He was right...like I need him being right when it comes to her. He also seemed to imply that she would eat it to impress me...what? Why?

Anyway not only did she eat it she ate a breaded trantula. I kid you not...I can't accuse this woman of being afraid of spiders...hell she dipped it in grasshopper chutney.

I offered the meal to the rest of our team but they whole heartedly refused and went to have pizza in Mac's office. (Paid for in part by my losings can I just say.) Hawkes gave us quite the look before they left too.

You know I hadn't intended to continue eating meals with this woman, but heck she didn't seem to mind. In fact she didn't remove my hand when I put it on the back of her chair...hmm maybe she's stopped deciding to be repelled by me.

I wonder if now would be the time to try going out with her again. She is going to single handedly ruin my rep I know it and the frightening thing is, I really don't mind.


	59. Chapter 59

Hey,

I would just like to state for my own record that I love my job. I also kick ass at handball, I don't mind saying. I was ahead of myself on purpose there cause those things just needed to be said...now for the break down:

Would you believe that our vic today was killed over fashion? Well after all the vic's I've talked about I guess that doesn't bode well as shocking. It's true though...both companies were stealing other people's ideas to start with and then one killed a rep from the other over territory rites. I just don't get it.

Another thing for the record...the newest fashion trend they were researching is a fine woman and before it's assumed no I didn't contact her. So the vic is killed in a public area and, as per usual, nobody saw anything...we were getting nowhere with the evidence so I decided to see if I couldn't get us some eye wittnesses. I had to play three games of handball to do it, but at least we got a statement. It's not relevant but I won all three games...the kid didn't know what hit him.

I was workin' the case with Hawkes and Stella...she was extra 'Stella-esque' on this case and I have to admit that I missed that...she goes after a suspect with a kind of tenacity that I haven't seen in many CSI's...save Lindsay of course, although Lindsay has a different way of being tenacious and I'm just gonna stop that comparison before I hurt myself. Speaking of Lindsay...she's involved in the best part of my day (and evening for that matter)...there's a shock I know.

She came up to me some time in between my evidence chasing for our case (about an hour after the handball game I think) and asked me the strangest thing.

She said "If I promise you drinks, will you help me with an experiment?"

I would have agreed to pretty much anything she asked me, but figured I'd at least act like she had to earn it, "That depends on the type of experiment."

She blushed, which was cute, and looked down, which was cuter, then mumbled something that ended with "it's really not that big a deal."

I tilted her chin up so she looked at me before I realized I was touching her. I let go pretty quickly and covered it up by smirking and saying "if it's not that big a deal then you can repeat the request...slower this time."

She inhaled and said, "I need you to carry me across some sand near where our DB was found so I can compare footprint impressions." Carry her? She thought she had to bribe me to carry her? Damn.

I managed to keep smirking and nodded, "Sure." It was all I could get out because most of my mind was swimming with the idea of carrying her.

It really wasn't that big a deal. We got up to her crime scene, I put on the suspect's shoes while she described her reasoning. One thing intrigued me though...in the middle of her explanation she jumps into my arms then continues to explain her theory. Was it necessary for me to be holding her when she did that?

I'm not complaining...I rather enjoyed the prolonged contact (points to me for not touching anything inappropriately but the thought crossed my mind) although I made enough complaints about the added weight (not her there really was an actual weight added) and managed to coerce a dinner out of her at the same time.

I'm just damn good today I don't mind saying. I even picked a great place to go eat...at least she seemed suitably impressed. I spent most of the evening trying to figure out if we were on a date or if this was just payback for the help. I wonder if she has any idea what she does to my head?

By the end of the night I had managed to convince myself that I wouldn't give our dinner's out a title until she did. Which meant that it wasn't a date so I didn't kiss her...but damn did I want to.

I wonder if she realized that when I mentioned dinner and she said she wasn't going to give me anything until I moved...that ideas of what 'anything' could mean are still running through my head.

And uh...she called me cowboy.


	60. Chapter 60

Hey,

I have the subtly of an elephant. Seriously. Wanna know why? Here it is. Lindsay doesn't come to work on Monday...I pretend not to care. Even though I was worried I mean, she wouldn't just blow off work for no reason.

Then today I walk into Mac's office and just blurt out "What's wrong with Lindsay?"

I didn't see Stella till it was too late...she smirked at me in that way that always tells me she's reading my damn mind. She looked at Mac and said "He's concerned."

Mac nodded, "Yup, I'd say so."

She rose an eyebrow, "You think we should tell him?"

Mac just shuffled papers while I slowly got pissier, "You go ahead."

I looked at her expectantly, she patted my arm, "She has a cold...pretty bad, maybe you should bring her something."

It took a minute for that to register then I just shrugged, "Okay so she's sick...who's picking up her slack?"

Yeah I'm an ass, but I wasn't going to play into their hands, what with them assuming I'm picking out curtains for our perfect life together. People are all together too involved in other people's lives at this lab.

Anyway, later after I apparently picked up her slack I went home and tried not to think about her being sick. It didn't work so I fished out an old thermos from when I was at the academy and filled it with tea. Yeah I'm a sap. Shut up.

She was so doped up I don't know if she even registered that I was there. It was insanely cute. She tried to pretend that she wasn't sick and doped up, but she hid it rather crappily...in fact after she took the tea to the kitchen she got dizzy and practically fell on me.

Yeah my timing is rather impeccable...since I'm now practised in carrying her I did so...to the couch, where she already had a blanket I could use to cover her. I don't even know if she realized that I'd done that.

I wanted to make sure she was okay so I sat and watched her sleep...don't tell. Mac called sometime in there and told me he had some new evidence for my case...so I reluctantly left...I wanted to lock up behind me so I grabbed what I assumed was a spare set of keys and locked the door.

I wonder how long it'll take Lindsay to realize I have a set of her keys.

Maybe if I catch this cold she could return my thermos. I'm just sayin'.


	61. Chapter 61

Hey,

Women are so confusing. Like I mean just plain flat out damn confusing. I had no idea that taking Lindsay's keys to make sure she was okay would get me into a peck of trouble, leading to her almost FINDING this journal and then asking me if I want pizza.

She's asking me out a lot lately...what with the drinks and dinner and such. Well dinner was my idea, but hey she started it. I would take some sort of initiative but frankly I just can't seem to figure her out.

Let me explain. I said I'd drive her home today then swung by my place so that we could pick up her keys. Although I didn't say that...not sure why.

We get up there and she starts throwing a bit of a fit about me having her keys. Well pardon me I didn't know they were her only ones, doesn't everyone have a spare set of keys? I think I should suggest that to her...it just makes sense.

Anyway we were just about to get into it, arguing not you know 'it', when she had a coughing fit and I instantly went concerned on her. It was when I went to get her some water that she just about sat on my journal. I didn't think she'd read it or anything, but damnit just knowing some of the things I've said in here...yeah it was a bit of a panic.

So we made it back into my car without to much fuss. She had her precious keys and I'm contemplating how much she must actually hate me to act all 'scared kitten' around me when she asks if I feel like a pizza.

Huh? I was gonna answer when Mac called...that's our boss, man with impeccable timing. So I just dropped her off and wondered if I'd get that pizza invite again.

If she's inviting me out so much then why is she so nervous around me?

Dear God I've turned into a woman. I feel the insatiable need to get a beer, play some pool and talk about ball.

I wonder if Lindsay knows anything about baseball.


	62. Chapter 62

Hey,

Today I had a case that revolved around urban golf. Yup, urban golf...what will they think up next for entertainment?

I missed out on the museum vic that the rest of the team got to deal with...covered in bugs it turns out. It's a good thing Lindsay was on the case, she seemed to have an affinity towards insects a few weeks ago.

That said I think I need to train her on good humour...and the fact that just because a joke is told more than once it doesn't mean it's not funny. And another thing, is it wrong that it drives me crazy when she smiles at me? And her enthusiasm for her job is highly endearing. When I walked into the morgue I almost wanted to just stare at her watching those beetles devour that corpse. Yeah it's true I am thorougly pathetic and downright disgusting. I'm gettin' all weird around this woman in a morgue...go ahead you can say it, I need help.

Anyway she seemed to like my forensic peep show joke but reminding her not to eat the bugs (come on give me some credit she was chewing on a trantuala a few weeks ago, did she think I'd forget??) prompted her to tell me I wasn't the first to crack the joke. What so it stopped being funny then? Lighten up Linds, and be warned I'm damn funny, everyone else in the lab seems to think so. Maybe they have weird senses of humor in Montana.

Oh right, my vic. Well the guy was apparently a trash talker, so his golfing buddy got pissed and filled his mouth with foam insulation...I'm not kidding the guy goes from 'shut up' to let me clog your airway with this product I found here at our impromptu golf site. I swear to you people get dumber every day. They had to go and ruin fresh concrete in the process...why must people do that? What is the draw in defacing property? I don't get it.

Flack and I went out for a beer after the case was closed and decided we might have to do more research on this urban golf thing. Although I don't know how he'd play with the snazzy suits he wears all the time. Yeah I notice that, shut up.

I wonder if Lindsay has forgotten that whole pizza thing? I'm getting a craving...for, uh, pizza.


	63. Chapter 63

Hey,

I think a snowball just got thrown in hell.

Why you ask? Well I figured that would be the only way that Lindsay would ever let me survive calling her Montana again.

I don't even know why I risked it, but it just seemed to suit the conversation. A surreal conversation let me tell you, I don't think I ever had aspirations of talking to Lindsay about any kind of sex let alone phone sex.

And before you go to a journal like gutter let me explain.

Her case had to do with phone sex. You still don't get what I had to do with it? Well I don't either, maybe it was right place right time, maybe it was karma maybe Lindsay just wants to know what turns me on...well Montana I'd love to give you pointers.

In context she was trying to get a hold of Adam for some results while I stared at my computer willing it to find a match at a faster rate. Her little frustrated sigh when she couldn't get a hold of Adam was too cute. Then she asks me if I've ever had an anonymous woman call me.

Yeah well there was this one time I must have given some chick my number at a bar, or maybe Flack was drunk and gave her my number instead of his, either way I gotta admit getting out of the conversation was...uh I digress we were talking about Lindsay's case.

It was nice to give advice for a change I gotta admit that. I'm usually the idiot that needs to be taught, not that Lindsay is an idiot, I didn't say that. What I mean to say is she's...why am I justifying myself to a book?

She was very sweet in her naivity about sexual appetites. It was actually endearing, in an 'I wanna teach her' kind of way.

Yeah I know, I am well aware of how dangerous that road is, I can't help it, she seems to be seeking me out a lot lately. I wonder if she's done being freaked out about me although I hope she's not trying to figure me out. I haven't figured myself out yet and I hate it when women try, they always come up short. At least they have in the past.

Okay I don't know why I'm comparing Lindsay to old girlfriends. She's my co-worker and as much as I wonder what she'd look like...oh I'm not gonna write that down...I can't cause we work together, end of story.

The case I worked with Mac, Hawkes and Flack today was intense. It had to do with killing a kid over a liver, not the kid's liver a donor liver. And get this the attending doctor who was supposed to be putting the liver into one of his patients is the guy who orchestrated the whole thing so the liver would go to his wife!

I mean I get love and cherish, but stealing an internal organ? I'm pretty sure that's not in any marriage vows I've ever heard of, especially leaving dead people along the way. It astounds me how educated people like that doctor can get tunnel vision like that. I've never loved to the point of obsession...weird.

I wonder if Lindsay has forgotten the pizza invite cause I'd like to discuss this phone sex thing in more depth.


	64. Chapter 64

Hey,

You know after all that griping about the pizza I never thought she'd actually come through. Okay I'll admit it I didn't give my favorite Montana native enough credit...but if you won't tell her I won't.

She can really hold her own. I keep trying to bait her with the oddest things and she always comes back with something. I can't put my finger on what it is that keeps her one step ahead of me, but when I figure that out you'll be the first to know.

We worked together today on a tax case and I was reminded of a phrase my old man used to say. Used to call the catastrophically stupid who managed to be in the work force; those that made money but seemed to have no brains to keep it, 'educated idiots'.

Today Lindsay reminds me of this phrase...honestly the world shrinks every day. The moron I reamed out this morning turned out to be the murderer by the end of the day. I really like it when a case pans out like that.

Got a disturbing call from Louie today. I didn't return it. He said it was urgent but I can't be bothered. The more he talks to me the more I remember and sometimes I just don't want to remember.

I wonder what Lindsay would do if she knew all about me.


	65. Chapter 65

Hey,

You know I think Lindsay races me; she's always at the scene before I am. I wonder if she has clothes set aside by her bed for the call. She could just roll over and…oh boy I really need to stop thinking about her bedroom.

So I cracked a joke about marriage today. I think that 13 year old is back taking control of my body. It was over what she knew about football. Makes me wonder what I'd have said if she was an avid baseball fan. Right that thought process is gonna help me stay out of her bedroom.

Downward slope there Messer, move on…

So Tyrell Mann was our vic today. Sad when a football player is killed in his prime, even if the guy was an ass. It's also sad when the killer is some poor man that had his daughter killed by an ambitious kid who only had football on the brain.

Sometimes finding out who the killer is isn't nearly as satisfying. That guy didn't wanna kill Tyrell; he just wanted to make amends. You know from now on if anyone tries to preach to me about making amends I'm gonna tell them about this father. This man has his only child killed because Tyrell was an impetuous kid who thought he was invincible. Can't say I wouldn't have reacted the same in his position…you know, if I had a kid.

And another thing…I mentioned food again to Lindsay while we were in the lab, so she couldn't use that excuse and instead of just agreeing to go eat with me the woman uses my suggestion to get us closer to the killer.

Okay I know we did the pizza thing and then there was that dinner after I carried her for that experiment…all her idea. Why is it she's always busy when it's my idea? Weird.

I have this feeling of dread that I can't shake lately. I'd say something but it's not like intuition is really encouraged at work…but I can't seem to hold my breath waiting for…I don't know.

Maybe it's Lindsay, she's got me feeling, I don't know, things and now my head's going into over drive.

I wonder if the third time will be the charm. Should I ask her to eat again?


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N** This is the 'Run Silent Run Deep' entry so it's a bit more dramatic and a lot less funny…I hope you like it.

Hey,

It seems so trivial now, the amount of time I've spent writing about Lindsay in this thing. I could have written so much but I go on and on about a girl. Sometimes I hate being me, today was one of those days. I'd say it could go down as the worst day of my life, but frankly I think I'll just add it to the list. I keep staring at my phone, waiting for it to ring, not sure what the voice on the other side is going to say. But as per usual I'm getting ahead of myself.

My brother Louie is in a coma.

You know it's weird to write that out I keep looking at that sentence willing it to change. That maybe if I think hard enough the reality of that statement won't slam into me anymore. My eyes are burning from the amount of crying I've done and the fact that I'm mortified to have cried in the first place.

The screwed up thing about it is he got the shit kicked out of him for me. I honestly can say that I never thought he cared that much. I know he's my older brother which means he's supposed to pick on me, it's some sort of quirk with brother's I guess. Maybe Hawkes has done a study, anyway, I guess what has always bothered me wasn't the fact that he picked on me, it was the intense disdain with which he did it; like he couldn't stand to be in the same room with me.

You see Mac got a call from one of Louie's old buddies, a guy that ran in Tanglewood with him back in the day. Why the guy called Mac I'll never know, maybe he heard Mac's name from one of Sonny's crew or maybe karma really hates my guts, whatever it was put Mac on the case. They found a skeleton at the stadium and what started the downward spiral of my day is a cigarette butt then found in the grave had my DNA on it. To make matters worse, Lindsay did the test.

I have to admit when I got her 911 page a lot of things ran through my mind but this wasn't one of those things. The look she gave me before she handed me that damn piece of paper just about made my heart stop. I don't really know why she called me first; part of me thinks she would have gone to Mac, the rest of me is glad that part of me is wrong.

I don't know what's happened to me over the last year but for some reason all I could think of getting that paper to Mac and begging him to believe me when I said I didn't do anything to whoever it was in that grave. As I walked to the office I started remembering that day fifteen years ago like it was yesterday. I think I always knew they killed that guy back then; I just stopped thinking about it when his body was never found. Some CSI I am.

One of the hardest things I think I've ever done is stare Mac Taylor in the eye and defend the fact that I was not a teenage murderer. After the Minhas thing and the fact that Sonny had to drag my name into his murder investigation last year, not to mention being taken off the promotion grid I figured Mac had already written me off. Why he didn't fire me I'll never know. But when the words 'I believe you' came out of his mouth I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I would probably have found a bottle to crawl into if he had told me he didn't believe me.

I still had to be stripped of my gun and badge which was rather humiliating to do in that damn glass office, but what made it worse was the fact that Lindsay had to see that. She's not gonna want to come within fifteen feet of me now. I want to believe that look she gave me wasn't pity…but I've found that reading Lindsay isn't the easiest thing to do.

I had no idea what to do with myself when I left the lab. I mean, if I can't be at the lab then what am I supposed to do? I figured I'd try to find Louie, but that's damn near impossible unless he wants to be found. Although this time I'm pretty sure he wasn't planning to be found the way he was. I don't know why I keep that ban radio on when I'm not at work but it at least told me where I could find Louie. Being picked up by an ambulance…damnit I knew it had to be Sonny. That bastard has been a thorn in our side for way too long. Why Louie ever ran with him I'll never know. He had way more potential although Mommy and Dad always seemed to think all the potential belonged to me. Whatever.

They're at the hospital now. I couldn't take it anymore. I was beat down, exhausted and worn out. Lindsay came over there after they fixed the wire Louie wore and let me listen to a copy of it. It took all of the energy in me not to cry in front of her. She doesn't need to see me like that. I managed to keep it together when I talked to Louie after that too. The doctor's said that he might be able to hear me so I figured I'd give him shit for letting me believe he hated me for all this time. Or at least only needed me for handouts. I can't believe he did that all to protect me. Why didn't he just tell me? If not at the time then at least later so I didn't think he actually thought I was a disgrace.

He better not die on me. Flack told me that I was lucky to have a brother who wanted to look out for me. It would have been nice to know ahead of time that I had a brother like that. The fact that it took him getting the shit kicked out of him for me to figure it out is a bit much. Flack's a good friend, stayed with me for hours, at least till they actually arrested Sassone. Then he said he had to go and 'accidently' throw some insults at the bastard. Good guy that Flack. I managed to not fall apart in front of him either. Hell Stella gave me a long hug at one point and I was good.

You wanna know who I break in front of? Yup…Mac. Go fig is what I have to say. I couldn't stop myself at that point. I'd tried to keep it together the whole day and when he came to the hospital and looked at me like that I just couldn't do it. It all hit me at once. Everything. The fear of losing my job over a stupid ass decision when I was a kid, the fact that my brother may die in his effort to exonerate me, the culmination of years of trying to live up to people I think basically put up with me. It all just hit me at once and I couldn't do it. They beat him up really bad and it was for me. Damnit, still tears me up, what's worse is I break in front of my boss and he hugs me. I wish I could be half the man my boss is, yet for some reason he seems to think I'm worth defending and I'll never get that.

I wonder if Lindsay knows how much her help meant to me. Don't worry the sappiness will pass as soon as I find some damn Kleenex and stop blubbering. Louie you fight this.


	67. Chapter 67

Hey, 

What do you get when you mix Kid Rock, an over zealous fan and a spontaneously psycho sculptor? I'll tell you...

A dead driver, an emotional country girl and a brutal attack on a friend.

I do have to say I'm glad Stella didn't stay in the hospital cause I spend enough time there visiting Louie. Besides the little bit where Lindsay and I went there to see how she was doing after our case was solved I didn't really feel like having to go to the hospital for yet another reason.

You know under the circumstances I surprised myself with how calm I was...that isn't me. Not that I have to explain myself to this book, seeing as you're an inanimate object...uh yeah point. I think I may have stole the calm from Lindsay though cause she was a bit all over the map during this case, not that I blame her at all this whole week has been insanely intense.

Let me start at the beginning. Lindsay and Mac went out on a call for a DB at a Kid Rock concert, not my kind of music but whatever. That's where Mac hears the call of shots fired and it's Stella's address. If I know my boss at all, despite Lindsay's comments that I don't, I'll bet his heart stopped even if only for a second. I know mine would have if it had been Lindsay. I won't even deny saying that, yeah I know I told you I've matured.

Anyway to the case, so after learning about the weirdest damn animal that celebrities apparently collect we figured we had a suspect. During our interrogation of a guy that could win the running for the dumbest numbskull to breathe air (next to the tabloid beauty with the weird pet) Lindsay bolts out of her chair like she just realized she was sitting on a tac and snaps the guy's head off.

While his shoe size was probably higher than his IQ I didn't expect her to freak like that. I also didn't realize she knew Stella well enough to be so upset. I wonder if the nature of the crime hit close to home. If any guy ever did that to her I'd kill him.

Anyway when I managed to slow down her rush through the station my first instinct was to hug her, but I wasn't sure how that would go over so I just tried to get her to focus on the case. I swear Aiden is gonna laugh her ass off when I tell her about the new girl who's starting to freak out like I did last year. I doubt I was as cute.

I talked to Flack after he left the hospital. After all he told me that Frankie bastard is lucky Stella already killed him. How anyone could intentionally hurt a woman will always baffle me. How that asshole could do that to Stella just flat out pisses me off. Maybe I should send her flowers or something. What will Lindsay do I wonder. I hope she feels better when she realizes Stella will be okay. Maybe I should send Lindsay flowers too.

I wonder if Lindsay is a flowers kind of girl.


	68. Chapter 68

Hey,

Wow Lindsay is really getting affected by cases lately. I wonder if it's PMS...ya know I have a feeling if this book was female it'd burn me if it could.

Anyway, this last case we had with a vic from Montana, dressed as a mermaid no less, really seemed to get under Lindsay's skin. She tried to act normal about it, but the way she asked the perp why he did it was almost creepy. Sometimes we just have to be happy with catching the bad guy. I know she can handle her own, but she has this innocence that makes me wanna hold her, which scares me cause I don't do the cuddling thing. Especially after seeing that cuddle party last fall, frankly that turned me off the whole experience until the idea of...I did not just write a bunch of sentences about cuddling! Oh Montana what have you done to me?

I do have to admit that the perp was creepy and random acts of violence always chill me so I do understand her reason for asking why. I almost wanted to force the guy to answer her. She looked so perplexed at her desk later I wanted to say something to comfort her, but my mom called with an update on Louie so I got distracted. I hope she was okay.

Sid said something odd to me after Lindsay finished processing the body and was out dispersing evidence. He said 'Pretty soon it's gonna be obvious to everyone but you."

Huh? Could he have been more cryptic? Obvious about what? Speaking of weird at the crime scene there was this gorgeous view of the city. I try to share this beauty with Montana and she shoots me down. I mean really how good can a field look? I apparently got my answer later that day, she left me a note that said:

_Thanks for being the reasonable and understanding one for the past  
couple of cases. Oh, what's better than the New York skyline and the  
wheat fields? The sun setting on Tobacco Root Peaks.  
Montana _

The what peaks?? Guess I'll have to get her to give me lesson on that. And since when does she sign notes 'Montana'? I'm enjoying that she likes the nickname and I have the note folded up in my wallet, shh don't tell.

In other news Stella was back at work in record time, which doesn't surprise me. She'd go nuts cooped up in an apartment. She's probably better off at work. Apparently her, Mac & Hawkes pulled a weird case about a committed threesome. Uh okay, sounds kind of oxy moronic to me. I'll have to get Hawkes to give me the update later.

So I stupidly told Aiden about my Lindsay issue. She promptly left me a message telling me we had to have dinner next week so she can figure out how I can properly admit it. I'm only gonna agree if she makes me her chicken parm. It's the best thing she makes, fantastic, I'm drooling at the idea.

I wonder what Lindsay's best dish is. I also wonder if she'd get along with Aiden, I've talked about Aiden with her before and she's always seemed interested. They seem like such a contrast, maybe they would get along.

I'll have to introduce them one day.


	69. Chapter 69

Hey,

She's dead. I can't believe it. Not only dead but also brutally murdered. The fact that DJ Pratt is allowed to breathe while Aiden is mostly ash in a burned out car makes me sick.

Time kind of went in slow motion after Hawkes called me saying I needed to see the reconstruction. At the time I had no idea what that had to do with my case. Now I can't get the images of it out of my head. The skull, the image on file...the fact that it lined up...it's just wrong. To think that was my friend's charred body in that car...God this whole month is turning into hell.

Bad things come in threes right? Does that mean that after Louie, Stella and now Aiden everything is gonna get better? Karma can't be that cruel.

Lindsay has been especially reserved which pleasantly surprised me. I almost expected overt curiosity what with the amount I've talked about Aiden. To Lindsay's credit she just silently supported the team. Class act that country girl.

My case was especially disturbing. A young marine was killed because he stepped in to help a woman who was being beaten by her husband. The irony is it was that particular woman who did the killing. This is me still not understanding people. Mac helped me a bit on the case and freaked me out with his physically showing me how a marine subdues someone. Remind me never to engage Mac in hand to hand combat.

Flack and Stella had this idea to meet up at a pub to remember Aiden. I don't know why but I think Lindsay felt a bit like an add on. So I tried to make sure I included her in the conversation. I think the 13-year-old with a crush took over while I was rehashing a story about Aiden.

I was remembering once after we wrapped a case and she left looking dressed for a date. If we hadn't been co-workers she would have had to watch out and I said as much. She said 'You're cute but I'm out of your league.' I think the 13-year-old picked that moment to look at Lindsay. Yup right when I said 'you're cute'.

Was it me telling her she was cute or making sure she thought I was cute...hell if I know I'm thinkin' of lobotomizing that stupid kid outta my skull. It really is like my whole brain is against my don't date co-workers rule and I really don't think I care at this point.

Well Aiden you would mock me profusely if you could read this book. I'm sorry I won't ever get to eat your chicken parm again. If I believed in guardian angels I'd say give mine a hand. I could use it. Oh and if you could climb into my head and sort out this Lindsay thing that'd be really great.

I wish you could have met cause I think you would have liked each other.

Damn, I'll miss you Aid.


	70. Chapter 70

**AN** Okay this brings us to the end of our Season 2 recap...moving into Season 3 that I'm still catching up on...but I'll try to be consistent. Thanks so much to my reviewers it definitely encourages me to post...anyway keep reading.

* * *

Hey,

Whoever said bad things come in threes needs to be shot…three times. Cause here in our New York crime lab it happens in fours…so far. Let's recap shall we?

I was a murder suspect and only got exonerated after my brother was beaten into a coma. Then Stella got brutally attacked by a man I'm pretty sure she loved. Then Aiden was murdered by the one suspect who evaded her when she worked at the lab. Now Flack has had a hole blown into him by a psycho cell phone bomber. I honestly think I'll need a LONG vacation from my life soon. Hell forget soon how about three tragedies ago.

When I got the call about an explosion at Mac & Lindsay's scene and heard officers could be trapped inside I panicked. The scary thing is my first thought was, please not Lindsay. I had never been more relieved when I saw her talking to Stella. Of course that cut on her forehead had me concerned but at least she was upright and not in the building.

My relief was short lived after I heard about Flack and Mac. (Is it inappropriate to note that their names sound like a breakfast cereal when said together?) Anyway, I felt a bit better knowing that Mac was okay but when I saw Flack my heart started racing much like it did when I saw Louie a few weeks ago. Flack is probably my best friend, this can't have happened to him especially not after the Louie thing.

What? My brother and my best friend? Am I a curse or something? I can just hear my brother's smart ass remark to that thought 'cause the world revolves around you don't it D?' Wait you mean it doesn't? Well then tell me why all this shit is happening to the people I care about? Don't have an answer do ya? Oh right that's cause you're just a book…moving on.

So the whole team was on this case. Hell I even got to diffuse a bomb with Mac. At the rate our lab has been going that was a gamble to say the least, luck hasn't really been our friend as of late. Okay I'll admit it Mac did the diffusing, but I was there! This bomber seemed to zero in on Mac, cause of the marine thing. That seems to happen a lot lately does Mac have some sort of bulls eye on him that only the truly psychotic can see or something?

So yeah, this bomber used a cell phone as a detonator. I should know, we had to process the pieces they found in Flack. When I got to him and Mac in the building Mac had stopped most of Flack's bleeding with a shoelace of all things! Honestly I'm afraid of what the man could do with dental floss and a stick of gum.

Lindsay and I had the job of processing the SIM card to find out who made the call that ignited the bomb. I don't know if the lab was crowded or if we just needed to be in each other's personal space for some kind of comfort but we processed the card quite closely, kind of like we were trying to get into a single shot for some after school movie.

We traced the call to a government line which sent all sorts of red flags up. Go figure it turns out the guy was actually at the all the scenes actively involved with the investigation. From what Stella says Mac got the guy to give up pretty quietly in the end by playing to his psycho state by treating him as a marine. Sometimes I wonder about people I really do.

Flack survived the surgery thank God. Now if he would just wake up he'd be a step ahead of Louie. Hawkes, Lindsay and I went to the hospital to meet up with Mac and Stella. I feel like we are meeting up at hospitals all together too much lately. It's really gotta stop.

We stayed for a bit to find out what was going on. After Hawkes went off in search of the long medical terms to describe Flack's prognosis I remembered that Lindsay and I had dinner plans so I asked her if she still wanted a ride. (No need for Mac and Stella to know we were going to dinner).

I would have understood if she wanted to just go home and be alone and frankly I didn't really feel like being in a public setting anyway so we opted to just order take out and eat at my place. We talked a hell of a lot after dinner and at one point Lindsay realized it could have been her in that building. I didn't even want to go down that road, I already scared myself into thinking it could have been her on my way to the scene and I admitted as much. I don't know if it was something in the take out or what that made me admit it, but I did. I'd give anything to know what she thought about that…you know just for curiosities sake.

Her head obviously started throbbing well into our talk so I got her some aspirin and water. Probably out of pure exhaustion she fell asleep a bit later. I could have woken her up and taken her home then but I gotta admit that it was nice to just watch her sleep. I cleaned up our take out mess and picked up the apartment a bit while she slept, but at 1 I figured I should take her home or I would have just brought her to bed with me…and that my dear journal, is a bad idea…although at this point I can't come up with a reason as to why.

Anyway we got to her place and I had this insane urge to kiss her. She looked so adorable staring at me that I was thisclose to doing it…but stopped myself remembering that she was tired and probably didn't need the complication of a co-worker coming on to her at that point. So I just wished her a good night and went home.

Of course once I got home I was wide awake thinking about what Lindsay and I had talked about and all the insane things that have happened at the lab in the last few weeks. Finally at well past 3 I fell asleep.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get any time off soon. I also wonder if Lindsay has had a real New York tour…maybe she'd like a guide.


	71. Chapter 71

**AN** So I didn't have time this summer to write any entries then started back up again when Season 3 started, new things to work with and all...so here ya go...now we're into S3. Enjoy.

* * *

Hey,

I'm sorry. I don't know why I feel the need to apologize to a book but I'm going to anyway. I lost you...I know it was wrong of me but I can't help it...you fell behind my couch and then with Flack in the hospital and Louie and then Lindsay getting pissed about mermaids...well frankly I didn't have any damn time to look for you. Fall has, however, arrived and I actually did some cleaning in my apartment (don't let that get out or I'll get feather dusters from people who think they are funny, aka Flack). Anyway I found you, you're slightly dusty but you are here...so let me talk about my day.

Can I just say that I don't get rich people...it's true...I don't. They make no sense. Wanna know what vic Hawkes and I got to work with today...some rich chick who was bored. First she pits her bodyguard and her friend's against each other...like literally gets them to kick the other's ass. Then she decides she wants to fight her friend...who turns out to be her enemy and kicks the life kicked out of her. I rarely get women but seriously rich women have to be their own breed. At least the ones I keep coming into contact with.

So Angell is finally a dective, which means I'll see her more and can bug her. She eerily reminds me of Aiden...I don't know if it's a good or bad thing but she's fun to tease. Lindsay was working some death on the Brooklyn bridge...had to do with bungee sex...or at least bungee sex had something to do with it. There was sex involved, Adam overheard and told me...so I think I'll call Lindsay later and ask her what that was all about...since you are this particular journal of mine I'm sure you're wondering what is up with us...hell if I know...after all the shit that hit the fan in the spring we didn't really pursue anything over the summer. I guess we saw a bit of each other outside of the office, but nothing much to say about that.

Maybe now that it's calmed down we can revisit that idea. Then maybe we can talk about bungee sex...I mean hell it's gotta be in the same vein as phone sex and threesomes or whatever the hell else kind of case she worked in spring.

Oh Dr. Driscoll is back...I remember having a huge crush on her when I was a rookie...haven't seen much of her myself, she was working Lindsay's case.

Anyway I suppose I should finish vaccuming...damn I'm never gonna live this down if anyone finds this book.

I wonder what Lindsay would do if she read it? Probably avoid me forever.


	72. Chapter 72

Hey,

Oh for the days when I just went to work and then went home...oh wait I'm CSI I've never done that...but I gotta say ever since Montana showed her pretty mug around the lab I haven't been able to concentrate properly. I think I'm finally to the point where I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't say that...it's true...the woman affects me, I can't help it...she's just endearing and so different from any woman I've ever known.

That said you'll understand why today was beyond rough. She goes and volunteers to go undercover to aprehend a guy who shot a young girl over diamonds. I kid you not when I found out she said she'd do it it took everything in me not to grab her and beg her not to do it. It's not because she's not capable because I know she is it's because I didn't think my heart could take it if anything happened to her.

My heart practically stopped when I realized she was made...I couldn't get out of there and to her fast enough. Flack teased me for hours about my concern for her...kept saying 'running your hands through her hair...since when did you get to touch Linday's hair?' I didn't ask I just did and she didn't seem to mind so I gotta say I'd like to do it again...in a more intimate context. I'd like to ask her out...like really ask her out...I don't know why I'm worried...it would just matter to me what she thinks of me. Usually I know what they want...now I don't know if I'm good enough.

I wonder if she realizes that the smell of her hair has done me in since the moment I met her...I've been wanting to touch her hair for months...maybe I should just call her.


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N** Hey it's been awhile...sorry about the delay I've been insanely busy. I'd still like to keep this going through season three but I'm up to my eyeballs in real life at the moment so I only have a couple more entries and then as soon as I have time again I'll post more. Thanks to anyone who's still interested in reading...and those new ones who have just discovered this. I'd also like to thank, again, LiquidCrystal from talkCSI who created Lindsay's diary way back in season two which inspired me to write this. So props to her.

Anyway here is some more to tide you over. :)

* * *

Hey,

Women make no sense. None…absolutely not a lick of a sense. Want to know why I think that? Read on.

Okay so I finally get up the courage to ask Lindsay out on an official date and she says yes! Seems like it's going my way right? Well she stood me up!! I know…crazy huh? I mean I don't want to toot my own horn here but I can't remember the last time I was stood up…honestly, it goes back to high school at the latest. What's worse is I'm not mad. I should be. I have every right to be, I mean I didn't see her until we got onto the ice princess case and she basically just disregarded it like it wasn't a big deal…okay so it was just a meal but hell she avoided me like I was in a tux with flowers begging her to go to the prom! It was just dinner for godsakes why does she have to make it so complicated? I couldn't even get to pick up a slice with me…I mean honestly its pizza! I got so bent on her going with me that I think I almost begged…I forgot where I was for a moment cause I coulda swore we were in a twilight zone…not to say I'm the sexiest man alive but hell I coulda got a girl on the street to catch a slice with me before Lindsay knew I was gone…her excuse…Mac wanted us to work the case…umm I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want us to starve in the process. Honestly Montana you complicate my life! Just last week she's clinging to me like I'm her saviour and now she's acting like I have the damn plague!

And why in the hell do I care so much? I think that bothers me more than her standing me up, the fact that I care. I want her to like me I want her to be around me outside of work…I desperately want to spend more time with her and she just keeps pushing me away. Finally when we were interrogating the perp I could feel her watching us through the window…I couldn't take it and had to confront her…I just needed to know what I did. I mean she's flirted with me…we have a something even if I can't articulate it…she can't deny it and she seemed to agree and then all of a sudden I have leprosy or such bad table manners that she can't eat with me.

You know what she said? She said she liked me…a lot. I can tell you I was sure she could hear my heart pounding…what does that mean?? Especially when she said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. Okay maybe in Montana a relationship is started over dinner…but here in New York it's just friggin' dinner! I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend for the love of god I just wanted to spend time with her and now that she tells me she has to deal with some stuff it just makes me want to protect her. How stupid is that? The woman doesn't show up for dinner and basically humiliates me throughout our case and all I can think about is protecting her from whatever made her get that look of hurt on her face.

I wonder if she'll come to me for help before I have to pin her down and…uh…help her. Oh damn I'm gonna go to sleep with the idea of pinning her down…this isn't good. I swear to you Montana you owe me…big time.


	74. Chapter 74

**A/N:** Thanks to all who keep reading this. I have one more entry after this (the Suicide Girls one) so far that's actually finished and then I'm working on one in response to the most recent episode. (I can't help it I needed to get it out :) I don't know if that's good idea, so I'm gonna do a poll of sorts. Be reassured that there is a response to this recent ep, however would you like me to write resoponses to each ep that leads up to this one? (This will take me longer but definitely something I want to do) Or would you like me to plunge right in and post chapter 76 as a response to the most recent ep?

I'll come up with my own solution but it'll be nice to know what you think. In the mean time, here's the next entry. :)

* * *

Hey,

I could write a damn book about the weird ass cases that we have pulled in the last few years. The two corpses we pulled today one was hanging from a ceiling fan, decapitated…the other was nailed to a tree, through his eyes…with his eyes in his pocket. If I had a gag reflex any more I would have puked. Luckily I pocketed my revulsion a long time ago.

I got to show my knowledge of Greek mythology off, it's like no one expects me to have a read a book. I wish Montana could have been there not that I care about impressing her any more…I merely like showing off my intellectual prowess.

We know who did the murders too and why. His brother was convicted of murder and apparently it was on a technicality so this Shane Casey takes it out on the people involved. Victim one was the jury foreman, victim two was the 'eye' witness. Guess what else, Hawkes was the ME…so he might be on the victim list…I swear if I have to deal with ANYBODY else that I care about in peril I'm gonna go on a bender myself and this Shane Casey will be the first one to go. Then I swear I will find out who put Lindsay through whatever she went through and I'll straighten that out, I am sick to death of people around me being in pain…it pisses me off.

Okay I'll stop ranting; Hawkes is fine, even if Shane Casey has disappeared. And even though Lindsay is melodramatic I'm just going to believe that she will pull through whatever this shit is that is distracting her and then life will be fine.

I'm full of shit…this is coming from a guy who RELATED to Casey…at least I got his dedication to his brother and the need to vindicate him. Although he had a messed up way of showing it. Those video clips that were on the website that we found attached to the shirts the vics were wearing made me want to go home and ask my mom if she had the video of Louie and I when we were little and got along.

I wonder how well Lindsay gets along with her siblings. She's loyal as all hell, I wonder what she'd do, what ends she would go for someone she loved.

Just a thought…which will now keep me up all night. Damnit.


	75. Chapter 75

**AN:** Hey guys, I know it's been awhile...I'm pluggin' through the season trying to get the right entries out. Anyway, here's the suicide girls ep...I'll try to stay consistant and just want to thank you all so much for your support. Honestly I can't believe you still wanna read this thing...but heck Danny's thoughts need to be out there...and for some reason I have a direct line wink

I wish...anyway...read on:

* * *

Hey,

So some chick called Nixon propositioned me today. In and of itself this isn't a first time deal...but I gotta say it's a first time that a chick like that propositioned me. She looked...aw hell I don't even know how to describe it, she was either a fantasy or nightmare come to life and I can't figure out exactly which it is. I will admit I was somewhat tempted to accept, a woman like that probably has a few tricks up her sleeve. I mean she was part of a group called the 'Suicide Girls'. Which isn't what it sounds like...as in it's not a bunch of chicks killing themselves. It's some sort of punk, fetish, woman empowering thing. I have mentioned I don't understand women right?

Interaction with Lindsay has somewhat returned to normal although it's kinda different than it was before. I found myself wishing I hadn't pushed it so much. It's not like we can go back to the fun flirting we did before and I miss it. She used to give me these adorable looks with a twinkle in her eye and this half smile that I really miss. I don't even care that it's stupid and sappy that I miss it cause I do.

I had this dream last night that it wasn't Lindsay that went undercover it was me and I got shot. And all I could hear before I passed out was Lindsay saying 'Good maybe he'll give me space now' What the hell?? I'm paranoid in my subconcious now?? I miss the dreams where we'd experiment with how quiet we could be in the broom closet. Not that I ever told you about those dreams. I think I was scared if I wrote it down they'd stop. Honestly is the 13 year-old back? I thought I got rid of him.

Aw hell Lindsay Monroe has done some messed up things with my mind that's just a fact. I don't even think Nixon could compete although...

I wonder what Lindsay would look like where patent leather, in stilletos...well then, my dreams should get better now. I hope.

I just wish she'd trust me.


	76. Chapter 76

**AN:** Yup, still pluggin' through the episodes...thanks to all who are still reading. You're tenacity inspires me.

* * *

Hey,

You know I just realized that we're getting closer to Christmas again. I remember last year there seemed to be a lot of inter office parties going on. I wonder if we'll have as many this year. I can assure you that I will offer Montana more than milk this time. Although I don't know if she'd take me up on it what with having to work out her problems and all.

I've contemplated actually taking time off this year instead of working through the holidays. That's about as far as that will go mind you, I'll most likely work it cause I think Mac has a girlfriend that he's not telling anyone about so he'll probably take time off. Which means more of us will have to be in the office.

If I were to guess who he's with it'd be Peyten, I think they had a thing before she left. But what do I know.

Halloween brought us some interesting vics, but I don't think anything was as weird as those Suicide girls. I'm still curious about that Nixon chick, that would have been interesting. If every part of me hadn't already dedicated itself to Lindsay before telling me then I might have taken her up on it. But no I've gone against my very vow to be a many woman man. Damnit. I know I have no patience, she didn't say no and she didn't say yes, she just said she had stuff to deal with. Yeah well join the club Montana, I'm the damn president.

I hardly saw her over my last case. We passed each other on the day of many cases. I was dealing with the impaled vic and she got the multiple that could have been a domestic case. She looked great as usual, I wish we could get back to that comfortable interaction we had going on before I had to go and screw it up by making it all serious.

No Danny do not blame yourself. That's what you'll tell me right? Well don't cause you're a book and I don't trust books as a rule.

I wonder what it was like working with Stella on that case. From what I heard it was really close to her incident last spring. Knowing Stell she would have eventually gone with the evidence and let her emotions be damned.

So Lindsay do I get a timeline for how long I have to wait for you?


	77. Chapter 77

**AN** So this one took awhile to post...I'm still working on the next few and will hopefully post them as soon as I can...anyway...enjoy this one. :)

* * *

Hey,

Let me tell you today was drama at the crime lab brought to you by…wait for it…Hawkes and Mac! Oh yeah, I wasn't at all involved…seriously I wasn't even in the damn room. All the drama happened away from me. Chalk one up for me. Plus I got to hear about it from Lindsay who had a front row seat. I couldn't believe it Hawkes is usually the calmest man I've ever met.

And here I thought I was the only one who could properly piss Mac off. Turns out I'm the only one without the witty comment. Hawkes held his own, which makes me just slightly jealous. I do believe my brother had to get the shit kicked out of him for Mac to properly respect me again. I should thank Mac though, since he forced Lindsay to stay in the lab during the 'exchange' it gave her an excuse to seek me out to tell me.

Or I happened to overhear her tell Stella, whatever.

So the case I'm on is about a dead guy in a swim gym. Who…get this, had a 'room maid'. Yeah you read that right, room-maid. She cleaned this guy's apartment in lingerie. I swear to gawd I live in the weirdest city, I really do. And don't get me started on rich people. This, Grant Jordan, is so damned important he gets a 'fake current' gym in his apartment and a hot chick to clean the place AND live in it…all because he's got the bucks.

I hate rich people.

Plus Flack thinks it's funny to let me know how central vac works…right cause I was born yesterday. Just cause I grew up with Bronx marble don't mean that I haven't seen central vac. Although apparently it means that I have to be the one who sifts through all of the damn debris that the vac collected. I'll let you in on a little secret…I found:

A St. Bernard with fleas and a poodle with a skin condition…don't say it I already know…you're jealous of my job.

Or not cause you're a book…moving on.

Oh you probably wanna know how this Jordan moron died. Guy next door didn't like the swim gym…because it interfered with his Tibetan hobby. I'm telling you I couldn't make this shit up. Now how this equals murder I have no idea. I have mentioned that I just don't get people right?

Hmm…I wonder if Lindsay…oh damn there it goes. I really have to stop doing this, it is so very good that she didn't work this case with me or I'd be picturing her in lingerie…

Nevermind…there I go.


	78. Chapter 78

**AN** I know this is a huge shock I actually have another update within a week of the last one...go me. I hope you like it...I'm working my way to 'the moment' I hope I do it justice...in the meantime...here ya go as per usual let me know what you think! And welcome to all new readers!

* * *

Hey

So just when I think cases can't get any weirder…they do. I honestly don't know why I'm shocked any more. I just have to say I'm glad it was Flack and Stella that had to deal with 'alien' chick and not me…I may have forgotten my professionalism and just laughed…a lot.

It started off as a competitive paint ball match that ended in one guy, Kym Tanaka, getting murdered and the other, Cyrus Menlow, being 'kidnapped' by someone who thought he was bleeding green…meaning he was an alien…seriously this chick offered Stella and Flack a strainer to wear on their head so that the aliens couldn't read their thoughts. Too much…I'm glad I just found the evidence and didn't have to follow it up. Although I did find the moon rock that psycho chick used to knock Menlow out after he had stepped in her bear trap. I could not make this stuff up.

I can just imagine the look on Lindsay's face if she was there being offered a strainer to put on her head. What? I'm not allowed to imagine her face? Just cause she's got unknown issues to deal does not mean I can't fantasize…I mean imagine…I mean…damn I'm just not going to say any more on the grounds that one day this book could incriminate me.

Not that it wouldn't already.

Anyway, Hawkes got the fun job of fishing out a bullet from the big ass parade balloon that was in the warehouse where we found Tanaka. Mac apparently made a crack about Hawkes doing the 'autopsy'. How come when I make a joke like that Lindsay says it's not funny…but then Mac can get away with it? Hmm I will file that question away for a time when she talks to me about something other than work.

If that will ever happen…do I lose hope? Never…which scares the hell out of me, yes still, why am I hoping to begin with?

Moving on…to a sombre note, actually two, first Stella was being followed, it turns out by Mac's dead wife Claire's son. I can't begin to understand the layers that are included in my boss's life. I do know that I definitely am not wanting to be in Mac's shoes right now. So on to the next note he finds black cocaine at the scene that apparently comes back to an arrest that Flack was involved with. So Mac came to blows with Flack over his notebook that had the movements of fellow officers. Which lead to Mac having to actually arrest a fellow officer, Dean Truby.

So Truby used black cocaine from a drug bust and tried to sell it on the street. When Tanaka went into the warehouse Truby kills him to silence him. After the code we need to take I can't believe he'd wack some poor guy to save his own ass. Not only that but he dug one of the bullets out of the guy's dead body. That's just cold. So really Menlow and Tanaka were both in the wrong place at the wrong time…who knew that paint balling was a death defying sport.

I'm gonna go with Adam's idea and stick with bowling. Maybe, just maybe…Lindsay might join me one day. Hey…a guy can dream right?


	79. Chapter 79

**AN** Okay I just watched the finale and the temptation to jump timelines is overwhelming. BUT I figure in lue of knowing all of this information I can make back entries better. Anyway this isn't from an episode just something I thought I'd add.

Enjoy.

* * *

Hey,

Played pool with Flack and Adam tonight, not sure how good of an idea that was mostly because I think I forgot that they turn into gossipy biddies whenever they're around me.

What? Do I bring out the inner biddy or something? That's depressing.

You wanna know what they were bugging me about right? You get three guesses and the first two don't count.

Yup, correct…my pathetic love life and how that seems to coexist with Lindsay.

Flack start with, "So have you had contact with Lindsay's hair since the Holly's case."

Adam, "What? You had contact with her hair??"

Which started Flack on a long ass explanation about the time when Lindsay went under cover in the Holly's case although he made it sound like we ran to each other in slow motion and held each other like we were in a damn romantic novel. He stopped when I whacked him with a pool cue. Ass.

Of course this leads Adam to make comments about us looking at each other in certain ways when he's relaying info to us about a case. Hello? I'm a professional damnit I do not 'share' looks with Lindsay when we're working. Is it my fault she seems to get what I'm thinking before I say it? I think not.

So Hawkes came about half an hour into our game to round out two teams. I figured we could get back to talking about beer, pool, the latest in sports. But no Hawkes says to Flack, "Did you ask him?"

"About Lindsay? Yeah, he's a closed book."

I had to interject, "That's because there is NOTHING to say!" I was seething I know I was seething…you would too so don't judge me.

"Methinks he doth protest too much." Adam quipped.

I pointed at him with my pool cue and managed to growl, "You haven't been around long enough to 'methinks' so shoot the damn ball."

Flack clicked his tongue, "So violent…" He trailed off when I gave him a look. If there was something to say or a joke I could contribute I wouldn't mind the teasing but honestly I do not need a reminder that she doesn't want to be around me right now.

I certainly don't need it from them.

I wonder what Lindsay would do if she got ribbed as much as I do. Does anyone even notice that she's also interested in me?


	80. Chapter 80

**AN** So it's been longer than I promised…I know I'm a bad author and should be punished…anyway in the interim you may read the next installment…I will try to keep this up. My goal is to finish Season 3 before Season 4 starts. Think I can do it? Lol

* * *

Hey 

You know sometimes a case is just sad. There is nothing from the beginning or end of it that makes it any less sad. Cases where a child is involved top my list of sad, but this last one had an element that I don't know if I'll ever forget.

So an accident occurs, alcohol is involved, not necessarily something that we need to be called out for. It was cut and dried, the two girls, Nicole and Heather, shouldn't have been driving, but they did and got into an accident killing one of them and severely harming the other. So why were we called in? Because someone killed the survivor while she lay helpless in her hospital bed. Cold blooded just doesn't seem to cut it in this case.

Now granted after seeing the vehicle involved in the crash I know that these two kids were of the rich variety which I despise, but you know what, she still didn't deserve to be suffocated when she was at her most vulnerable…especially by who did it and why…I'll explain in a bit.

First though Hawkes had a run in with his old boss at the hospital. It really threw him for a loop. I ran into him in the locker room (when I had to change my shirt after a spilled coffee incident…she's so damn distracting I'm spilling things on myself…I digress) where he was contemplating the moment he decided to move to the morgue. Poor Hawkes, he's still a doctor in my books I don't care what happened.

Anyway back to the case. Lindsay and I found 4 heart monitor pads when there should have only been three so that seemed to bring us to the conclusion that whoever killed Nicole knew about medicine and that's why the monitor didn't flip when she was suffocated. Although the readout showed that Nicole's heart calmed just before she was killed indicating that someone was there that gave her relief.

Turns out it was her mother…Heather's mother…because the girl in the hospital bed was Heather not Nicole. Both girls were blond and had switched id's so that Heather could drive not Nicole. Heather's mother worked at the hospital and was pissed that her daughter had died in the crash because of the other girl…except her daughter didn't die. I'm getting dizzy let me sit down and try this again:

In short Heather's mother, Julie, killed her own child out of vengeance for what her child actually did thinking Heather was Nicole. Weird, ironic and very sad twist of fate there. Also just after Hawkes decides that he can't be a doctor who saves lives he comes across a guy hit by a car on his way home and, yes, saves his life.

See he's a doctor…plain and simple.

Nothing on the Lindsay front. She's very distracted these days…and I'm desperately trying to give her that space that she's requested. I really wish she'd trust me with whatever is bothering her.


	81. Chapter 81

Hey

So there was drama at work today…wait, there's drama at work every day. This was of a different nature however. There was of course death and the finding out how the death occurred and who did it. More importantly there was Mac and Flack (part of a healthy breakfast…sorry can't help it their names sound like cereal!) who got into it over our case. (For the record I was on Flack's side till we realized Mac was right…honestly I don't why we went with the evidence when obviously Mac's instinct was…hey wait a minute I distinctly remember Mac telling me that we always go with evidence…how come…never mind…bygones and all that.)

Whew those brackets can be very distracting…moving on…Hawkes, Stella and Linds worked on another 'rich person got killed' case…I honestly don't have a lot of compassion for those cases…especially when it turns out the wife did it cause she didn't like the gift the vic gave their 16 year old daughter. I have mentioned that I don't get people right? To make me dislike rich folk more Linds got bitten by a snake while she was collecting evidence in the car. There was something about the snake being put there as a prank…the person didn't think about the repercussions….yadda can't help it yadda so much money yadda pity me. Whatever. Anyway my first instinct…meet her at the hospital to make sure she's okay…explaining that to Mac was going to be a problem so I settled for asking him if she was okay and sent her a text message later. Yes I'm a sap…she says she wants nothing to do with me romantically and I decide to send her message to make sure she's okay…I can't help it she makes me irrational in all the good ways.

Ehm…so to cap off the drama an FBI agent got killed before she got a chance to give Mac some key information on our case or at least why our vic was in the witness protection program…seriously she was shot by her car which of course means that Mac is going to be even more interested in the case. Whoever killed that agent dug their own grave…I really like being on Mac's good side now…it's warmer.

Now I just need to find out if Lindsay will let me visit her…I can use the snake bite as an excuse.


	82. Chapter 82

**AN **Since it took me so long for that last chapter I figured I put up two today...hope you're still reading!

* * *

Hey

I don't have words I really don't. I would say that today was the most stressful of my life…but let's be honest in the last few years I've encountered a hell of a lot of stress, so let's just say today was yet another plot peak in the story of my life.

Let's start with the meaty part of the day…Hawkes was set up for murder. Let's add gravy, it was SHANE CASEY who set him up. Screwed up just doesn't begin to describe this kid…believe me I know, I talked him down.

The beginning…in an eerily similar case that went up against Casey's brother Hawkes got id'd by a bouncer for shooting a bartender just because both the killer and Hawkes were wearing the same hoodie. Then Captain Asshole decides to zone in on us even taking a pot shot at me (which got him a tongue lashing by Stella…yeah Stella's all right.) and takes us off the case. Then Stella and I have to go to another case when I have to tell you we both were not wanting to focus on anything but getting Hawkes released…of course I hear that Mac goes storming through the police station to talk to Hawkes pissing Captain Ass off even more…gotta love how loyal our team is! Gotta hand it to Flack too, he was stuck in the middle having to answer to Captain Ass yet he still has our back.

I swear I have never seen evidence so damning and you're talking to a guy had a used cigarette butt damn him into a murder investigation! I have to admit I probably didn't help the evidence by confronting the bouncer with what he thinks he saw but I couldn't help it I hate feeling like I can't do anything! There are too many things that have happened around me where I've been helpless, I just wanted to help.

To make matters worse just as Stella, Mac and I were figuring out it was Casey he was visiting Hawkes in jail taunting him. I swear this guy has revenge down to a science, it's absolutely creepy! It also turns out the vic that Stella and I had to investigate was involved in Hawkes' case…he was the decoy sent out by Casey to LOOK like Hawkes so that the bouncer would be convinced that Hawkes was the killer. Casey sent us on a wild goose chase saying he had the gun that would clear Hawkes and would turn it in if we would clear his brother's name.

Turns out his brother actually did it.

I don't claim to be the authority on how to be a good brother it's painfully obvious to me that my brother and I do not have an idyllic relationship but this Casey kid takes it to a whole new level. He didn't even make the correlation that if he's capable of serial murder to prove his brother's innocence then what makes him think his brother isn't capable of the same crime? I wanted to call Louie after we finally got Casey in custody…it was emotionally draining for me to be the one to tell him that his brother actually did it and everything he thought he was fighting for was a lie. Even though he is a psycho murderer I felt sorry for him, because there is a part of me that wonders if that wouldn't be me in that situation.

Stella met up with Hawkes when he was released. I had to go home, have a beer and mull it all over…sure wish Lindsay wasn't going through her thing right now.


	83. Chapter 83

**AN **I know isn't it shocking this is a THIRD chapter in two days...lol I'll try to keep up the momentum.

* * *

Hey,

I absolutely hate it that Lindsay is shutting me out. I do…I can see it in her eyes she is in a whole hell of a lot of turmoil and she won't tell me about it. I know she talks to Stella but she won't say anything to me…I want to beg Stella for info but it's like I'm afraid of what I'd hear, or I'd be too vulnerable and Stella would realize my actual reasons for asking her.

Lindsay just trust me!

Anyway our cases today were quite dramatic…go figure. Mac had a case dealing with a hearing impaired family. Turns out the vic was killed by accident...go fig. The father of her baby wanted her to allow him to take the baby to get a hearing implant so she didn't have to be raised deaf like they were. She refused…he tried to take their baby…she refused. She died. He gets the kid at one point…and Mac talks him down and saves the baby. He really just doesn't cease to amaze me.

Stella, Linds and I dealt with another accidental death…in the sense that the murderer told us he just wanted to help the figure skater improve her skating. The girl thought he was a stalker so she brushed him off, he persisted and in the process 'accidently' killed her. Whatever happened to when a girl says no you back off? Shut up; do not even talk to me about the irony I don't want to hear it.

Lindsay apparently had a break down at the morgue when she saw the vic. One of the techs who was coming to collect trace from Sid told me that she started crying and talking about 'all that blood'…he said she looked really freaked out. Do you hear that crash? That is the sound of my heart breaking for her…this woman has turned me into a certifiable mushball I can't believe it. It took all of the strength in me not to rush to her and hold her…I don't care if Stella hugged her, I would have done it better.

Why doesn't Lindsay trust me? One of these days I'm not going to let her push me away any more.


	84. Chapter 84

Hey,

Is it bad that I just want to sigh in protest of the lunacy of people? You'd think that I'd hit the gambit of weird victims in writing this thing so far, but no, alas I have not. I have to get a case where a guy in a shopping cart is kicked to death by a woman…oh wait no beat to death by a prosthetic female leg. Honestly, why me? I know I ask that a lot but seriously, do you blame me?

At the after party for this thing called the 'Idiot Run' where people actually race each other in shopping carts I met yet another woman tricked out like a dominatrix…a sign? Probably not, but interesting none the less…I wonder what Lindsay would look like in tight leath…ehm I'm not going there am I? Because there is no point right? Right.

Speaking of a dominatrix which leads to thoughts that I'm not going to think Flack, Mac (I won't say it) and Stella had a weird case of a couple who staged a kidnapping to highten their sex life. Then this chick's ex who watched them kills the guy and something about her falling 'back' in love with him so he thinks it's worth it. Uh huh, ya know I'd probably go on a binge and possibly be bitchy for a year if Lindsay took up with another guy but really…killing?? I don't think so. Besides she's not the type of girl that would be turned on by something like that…why do conversations about work lead to talk of Lindsay? Besides the obvious, ever since her snake bite she hasn't been in the field much so I haven't been able to see her much.

Hell even if she isn't talking to me, seeing her is still a bonus. Holy shit I'm so far over the deep end there's no way of me surviving this is there? To jump off the Lindsay topic for a moment it was great working with Hawkes. He's got some great insight into cases and has different views which help to solve cases. Plus, he's not nearly as distracting. ;) So our case? Well turns out the dominatrix didn't have anything to do with Bruce's, the vic's, death. Some homeless guy was pissed that Bruce stole his shopping cart and beat him with a prosthetic leg because, apparently, the cart was his only possession. Okay? Funny, while I don't agree, I understand this homeless guy more than rich kids murdering because they don't get their way.

I wonder what sort of thing would get Lindsay believing I can be trusted.


	85. Chapter 85

**AN** So I'm finally at the ep when Lindsay leaves...I'm getting so close to the end I can feel it...maybe I'm inspired by the new season starting...anyway...I hope this works for ya'll.

* * *

Hey

She's gone…back in Montana…not in New York…in Montana. I'm being repetitive because I can't believe the reason she's there. She didn't even say goodbye…well okay I did get a card which made me smile despite the fact that she left. And she did send me a text message saying she'd explain everything in person when she got back…small comfort. I just wish she'd explained it before she left…but she didn't, I'll move on because I'm all mature like that. You can't hear it but the 13 year-old inside my head is laughing his ass off at me…dumb ass.

Okay, okay the facts, she has to testify in a murder trial. Apparently not just any murder trial it's for the guy who mass murdered all of her friends. Oh my god I'm a selfish bastard. I can't believe that's what she was talking about when she said she had stuff to deal with! Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay…I could have helped…listened…talked done something! I get the independent deal with it yourself thing I do that all the time, but it never works! I'll stop…I'm just worried. I mean I know she'll kick their asses in there, but I'm worried about her doing this alone. The temptation to jump on a flight to Montana is overwhelming me right now.

The case I worked was your classic, misunderstanding, kill first then find out the information. It turns out there's a company called the Alibi Network that will literally do that, create an alibi for you if you are cheating on your spouse, want to get out of work…etc. In short, guy uses network to cheat on his wife, network creates fake seminars that he's attending so he can be with is mistress, his business partner finds out and thinks he's being shafted. Then this guy kills in a fit of misunderstanding. Doesn't make the network worth it to me…I'm not even going to say that I don't understand people because I think I've established that I don't.

Back to Lindsay, I've read her card a few times and I don't know why. I mean I know why but what I don't know is why she wouldn't talk to me…I suppose I should look at the fact that she gave me a card and no one else. Maybe I'll try to send her a text message (shut up I'm aware that it's a cope out to a phone call, I'm not sure she'll want to hear my voice right now) and see if she's okay I can't help it if I'm concerned…I just hope I don't get so distracted that I can't work.

I'm going to miss her face around the lab…oh and she signed the card 'Montana'…to think she used to hate that nickname.


	86. Chapter 86

Hey,

She's still gone so I'm going to write about the case today and try to focus…wish me luck I spend all day trying to concentrate on work when I get home I like to let my mind wander. Stella's told me that Lindsay's still waiting to take the stand, there's a lot of preliminary stuff that they're going through. I can't imagine having to live through that. I looked the case up way back then. Now I know what she meant all those months ago when she told me she'd seen the kind of blood that had been present for the Darius murders.

I really need to stop jumping to conclusions about people. Especially since I hate it when people do that with me…okay so I suck ass at not talking about her…sue me, you're a book so I can write whatever I damn well want to write.

Mac's wife's son was linked to their case which I found interesting. He's gotten strangely paternal with this kid even if he doesn't share DNA with him. It's like a link to his dead wife or something. Until Louie got the shit kicked out of him I never pegged Mac as paternal…but man that night when he hugged me I have to admit he…well let's just say I never thought I'd see him differently and now I do. I guess Lindsay was right, I didn't know him as well as I thought.

Anyway the case I pulled was a security guard shot in a dressing room, which led us to a professional shoplifter. You're right professional shoplifter…people will make a profession out of the weirdest things. Turns out greed killed the security guard…he wanted in on yet another scam and was killed for it.

People will do the stupidest things for money.

I looked up flight information to Montana today…Stella says Lindsay is still waiting to testify…waiting must be killing her. I just want to help…but I'm worried she won't want to see me.


	87. Chapter 87

Hey,

Okay I'm a good guesser…I can't see what's happening when it's right under my nose, but I can guess. So a few months back I guessed in here that Mac might be seeing Dr. Driscoll, turns out Mac and Peyton are an item. An item?? Since when did I start talking like I lived in the fifties…and really why do I care who Mac is sleeping with? Mainly because I was apparently the last to find out…I swear nobody tells me anything!

Anyway our vic today was killed by accident. It was in an apartment complex…guy upstairs shoots his wife while she's sleeping…one of the bullets gets into the bathroom fan of the apartment downstairs. Our vic, Diane Langdon, hears the rattle and trying to check the fan resulting in being electrocuted seeing as she was having a bath at the time. Weird thing is the wife who was shot survived. I found her, very much alive, in her apartment and when Peyton checked her over she found a bullet in her skull! Holy shit. My question is what gets people to fall to murder as an answer to their problems? Do they EVER think about the fact that after someone is dead they have a whole NEW set of problems? Obviously they don't think of this…which is why I have a job, because people are stupid.

I've been checking up on the trial as it progresses in Montana. Stella told me that Lindsay sounds very strained. I really, really want to call her but have merely resorted to looking up hotel and flight info. I keep doing this one day I'm just going to jump on a flight.

I honestly wonder what she would do if I just showed up. I'm afraid she'd just retreat further and I think that would actually kill me. I'm so far gone for this woman it's insane.


	88. Chapter 88

Hey,

I don't ever know where to begin. It figures that the weirdest scene ever to hit forensics is pretty much the only thing to get my mind off of Lindsay. In the end the vic died the way most do…because they either lied and paid the price or there was a stupid misunderstanding that has to end in death. People are stupid, I'll leave it at that.

Oh I didn't tell you about the scene…it involved an ark in the vic's backyard…no I'm serious there was a damned ark!! Like from the bible two by two kind of ark…I swear I think things can't get weirder so they do just to prove me wrong…honestly. Sid found a surgical tool in the guy that apparently led to him insanely thinking he needed to build an ark for a new flood or something. I'm sorry weren't rainbows created as proof that there wouldn't be any floods? (Shut up I've been to church once or twice I know the stories)

Stella told me that Lindsay is testifying soon…like in the next few days. I actually called a travel agent to see if there were any deals in flights to Montana and might try to take some time off for reasons that Mac doesn't need to know just yet. Although he'd be one to talk about interoffice dating seeing as he's sleeping with an ME.

Speaking of ME's and not Peyton Sid had a nasty allergic reaction today…Stella apparently found him in just enough time to save his life. Such is a day at the CSI lab…never a dull moment. And I really mean never…like it's never boring…sometimes I wish it would be boring.

Although without Lindsay it has been a BIT boring…I mean I think I'm hallucinating her in the lab sometimes…or maybe I'm just dreaming it.

More of me than normal is insisting that I just go to Montana, the state and the woman, how's that for a connection?


	89. Chapter 89

**AN** Wow I've shocked myself with this many updates...yikes. I'm hoping I'll be caught up with season three very soon...we can consider this a very good sign...lol I hope you've enjoyed...as per usual let me know what you think!

* * *

Hey,

Oh sweet relief! The waiting paid off! Okay so it's actually led to some even more frustrating waiting but I'll get into that later. I'm damn tired so I hope this entry makes some sense.

I'll get the case out of the way just because I usually write about them so here it is…Luke Blade the illusionist is crazy…like murderously crazy…if you want more details then that's too bad I'm very distracted since I came back from Montana.

You read right…I actually just buckled down and went to Montana. I couldn't take it any more. I knew Lindsay was going to be on the stand (I think Stella has major ulterior motive for keeping me so informed) and I just couldn't let her do that without being there to support her. Stella said they took a recess because Lindsay got overwhelmed on the stand…that did it I had to be there. I tried to go home and distract myself but as soon as I walked in the door I knew I had to go. I mean I've been checking out flights and shit for days now it was inevitable that I just go…you knew that didn't you? The fact that I'm writing like this book is real is proof that Lindsay Monroe really has made me nuts.

Anyway as soon as I got there I hailed a cab to the courthouse…I didn't want to be late. They were already in session so I had to sneak in the door after convincing the deputy that I had to go in even if they had already started. I kid you not it was the perfect timing! She was up on the stand when I walked in and right then I got so nervous. I didn't know if she'd lose it on me or get so upset that I was there that it would screw with her testimony. I contemplated, for a split second, turning around but I mean come on I was already there damnit I wasn't going home without seeing her.

She made eye contact with me and just like weeks ago when she'd let me in I knew I'd made the right choice. She finished the rest of her testimony and I don't care if the 13-year-old in me is laughing it's ass off WITH the romantic shmuck I was so proud of her at that moment! The fact that she had overcome such a horror and was willing to relive it to make sure that the murderer was kept behind bars is amazing to me.

She sat with me when the verdict was read. In fact she actually held my hand and put her head on my shoulder. I'm only stating this because save for that card I don't remember when she's ever initiated anything with me…I found it hard to concentrate after that but I did hear that he was convicted and just wanted to get her out of there.

Weirdest thing happened then…I think I slipped into one of my better dreams about her because I'm pretty damn sure that she was going to kiss me in the courtroom there. In fact I know she was…then some damn reporter interrupted so I just pulled her out of there. I SO badly wanted to ask her about that move but then we were bombarded with press. After that the families of her friends wanted to talk to her. So I didn't get a chance and really it wasn't about me in that moment. It was about Lindsay and I wanted her to enjoy it.

I do have to note that she held my hand the whole time and finally told me that we had unfinished business to take care of in New York.

I hope to God she means that almost kiss because I don't know how the hell I didn't just kiss her. I think I was too astounded by the fact that she was actually going to kiss me.

I actually think this waiting is finally…in the long run…paying off.

Oh shit…now what?


	90. Chapter 90

Hey,

So even though my never ending wondering if Lindsay is still interested in me is over the weirdness has not stopped in New York. Nope it keeps coming at us full force without stopping. A woman named Simone DeLille, dressed as Marie Antoinette (the poeticism of this is not lost on me), died on a guillotine at a party through by a Pierpont. Follow me? Money…yet again some rich spoiled kid is involved, why oh why do the rich people keep proving me right?

Sorry that wasn't even our case. Lindsay and I got a case that involved bugs…I am suppressing the bug jokes, but you know they're there. I mean really by the end of it I was creeped out and even bug cuisine would change my mind. Did you know that you can put jewels on cockroaches and wear it as jewelry?? No seriously LIVE cockroaches…the creepy factor is so overwhelming I almost don't have words.

Almost…

It's a twisted story that would suit a weird murder mystery instead of my daily life, but I digress. Our vic, Alec Green, was killed over the aforementioned roach…but not for the jewels…for the roach! No I'm serious you should have SEEN the killer's place, there were roaches everywhere. It was absolutely disgusting! So our killer seemed to justify himself because our vic was going to kill the jeweled roach. It makes me sigh with frustration over the messed up people in this city that never make my life boring.

Speaking of not having a boring life, it's great having Lindsay back at the lab. At least I can stop hallucinating her walking down the hallway. I swear this one labtech must think I have issues because I kept staring at her thinking she was Lindsay…and she doesn't looking anything LIKE Lindsay. I should probably stop writing about Lindsay and actually go meet her for dinner. Provided she actually shows up this time, maybe then we can revisit that kiss she was going to give me in Montana.

A vic dressed like a beheaded queen and a chef killed by a guy obsessed with roaches I won't say it…mostly because I've said it a hundred times already in here. Besides tomorrow could bring a weirder case.

Oooh the phone's ringing…it's Lindsay…gotta go.


End file.
